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Monday, June 28, 2004

Woman 'gives birth to frog'


A woman in Iran claims to have given birth to a frog. BBC Online says Iranian daily Etemaad claims the creature grew from larva inside the woman's body.
While the 'frog' has yet to undergo genetic tests, the paper quotes medical experts who say it has human characteristics. Clinical biology expert Dr Aminifard said: "The similarities are in appearance, the shape of the fingers and the size and shape of the tongue."
The paper claims the mother-of-two, from the south-eastern city of Iranshahr, unwittingly picked up the larva when she swam in a dirty pool.
But it is unclear how this could have happened.
I'll tell you how it happened - she got shagged by a bloke claiming to be Prince Charming - obvious innit?


Well if we thought the Kiwis gave us a stuffing then the Wallabies, stuffed, cooked ate and spat us out , 53-15, well the pitch was probably a bit iffy looked after by a portugese groundsman.
Crap weather Saturday, couldn't do a thing outside, spent a lot of the weekend watching Glastonbury on the TV, which has got to be better than sitting half a mile from the stage in 6" of mud getting pissed on. Thought James Brown was fantastic.
Very pleasant afternoon at SB's amongst excellent company, dodged showers, but managed to spend majority of afternoon outside.
Blogging may be a bit sporadic over the next few weeks as I need to concentrate on a project (not work related) that will take up much of my time. I will go into this more when it is in the public domain, but concerns local matters.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Well Done England

I know I declared this blog a football free zone, but I had to watch the match last night - well there was only Emerdale and the Bill on the other side, and there are limits- the result being most unfortunate for the England team but congratulations has to go to the English fans who in spite of bitter disappointment conducted themselves impeccably throughout their stay in Portugal and proved that not all England soccer supporters are thugs.
By the way, I may not know much about soccer, but what the hell does that guy called Beckham do?

Search Words: Well it must be something to do with the football as I only had 3 searches for Vordermans bum las night.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Search Words

Carol Vorderman seems to be the most searched person on the web. Last nights' visitors search words were: from the UK 'Vorderman Bum' from the US 'imigration police Dallas' from the UK 'carol vordermans legs' and from the Czech Republic 'legcuffed at doctor' - now that one intrigues me

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

OK who's the weirdo?

As I've mentioned before, sitemeter shows me how visitors have arrived at this site. Its usually because the search string words appear somewhere in my blog though not in one sentence. Vistors today have arrived by searching for Zara Phillips high heels and tits from UK Escorts in Hungerford (Batman is that you?) and underwear swops auction male from a French enquirer. I'll keep you posted on any further weird ones.

Oasis demand drugs-free zone at Glastonbury

Liam and Noel Gallagher have reportedly insisted on a drugs free zone when they play Glastonbury this week. The Oasis frontmen told organisers they do not want any trace of illegal substances backstage.
This is because they don't want their roadies, crew and sound mixers stoned out of their heads and inavertedly make them sound good, and probably they want to keep all the stuff front of stage for themselves.

What a difference a day makes

Yesterday I spent a glorious day at The West Berkshire Golf club courtesy of Jimmy W. and Johnny the Fish playing in the Pheasant Inn annual Society day. The sun shone, I had a buggy with GPS Sat Nav and a beer bottle holder. A non golf player even undertook to drive a buggy stacked with booze in a cooler box. I don't know whether it was the former of the fact that West Berks is one of the longest in the South that contributed to us taking 6 hours to get around! Playing in our group with a splendid 42 points ( not bad off 16) Ryan one the day - I didn't even come close,but had and excellent front 9 , the wheels just fell off on the second 9. I lost 2 balls both in the same lake one after another on the 13th, just after I'd announced that I had lost a ball yet!
The point is the weather was superb, not a drop of rain all day and then look at today - mid winter -It better cheer up by the weekend, I've put my waterproofs away.

Monday, June 21, 2004

It's Arrived

A while back I commented on the Guinness Rugby Shirt offer. Well I managed to find the 3 tokens necessary and enclosed by cheque and 3 months later, this morning, Its Arrived! wow that express delivery for you.

Fathers day

Well I got a card! Sunday morning saw a bright and Sunny start and the first shot off the 1st tee was true and straight and just short of the green which was very contenting. I was playing match play with El Presidente Manuel (the 3 man ruling military junta of The People's Republic of Eddington) and was 2 up until I blew the 7th and 9th so we ended with a most deserving draw (Just wait till next week you revolutionist swine!)
I spent a most agreeable lunch time in the Plume with the usual crowd and celebrated fathers day (in the same way we celebrate every Sunday Lunchtime) when my son came in and bought me a pint, which made it very special as it's not often he put's his hand in in his pocket. ( By the way son you still owe me £10 for mum's birthday present - he reads this blog at school).

Weekend round up

As I mentioned Friday was B's birthday and so we had an excellent meal with our good friends at the Plume, nice to see a few old faces not seen for a while.
Saturday was as predicted- the dreaded Speech day - we arrived half an hour late, having completely missed the chapel service and were into the first 15 minutes of the 'picnic' lunch. We dutifully laid out the rug and the scrumptious fare that B had got up early (9.30)to prepare when it pissed down. Now the advantage of our car is that you can just put the rear seats down and lay everything out as it was in the centre and pull down side seats and carry on in a civilized manner. Not so the others who had meticulously laid out their fare on carefully erected tables with white table clothes etc. It did make me smile as I chomped on a pork pie washed down with cava.
The speech/prizegiving was as expected though my hands didn't bleed through applauding but my ears bled instead. The Chairman of the governor's spoke for 40 minutes, the Headmaster for 45 mins then the Guest speaker for a further 30 minutes and then the prize giving to 36 recipients.
Needless to say the second this event was over, although we were tempted to view the various displays and attend the demonstrations and performances, prior to tea being served an hour later, we scarpered along with 75% of the parents who have been doing this for the last 5 years.

Friday, June 18, 2004

So where's Brazil in all this?

According to Ananova: British women are Europe's least hairy in Europe.
But their German counterparts are the hairiest, according to a survey by razor manufacturer Wilkinson.
A Europe-wide study from the company looked at the hair-removal habits of 1,000 women.
The survey found British girls are the ones who undertake the most hair removal, with more than 93% saying they use razors before wearing skirts and shorts for the summer.
Germans fell way behind with just 40% saying they regularly shaved. This however shows an improvement of seven per cent from studies carried out two years ago.
Spanish women ranked just behind the British with 82% preferring the smooth to the natural look. French and Italian ladies lay in the middle - but with more shaving than not.
Now what i Want to know is how many of you girls use your husband/boyfriends razor to defoliate and then put it back where you found it in the bathroom, only for us to rip open a 3" tear along our cheek bone because our twin bladed lubraglide with self adjusting headpiece technologically designed hi-tech piece of shaving equipment is clogged with pubic hairs?

This new country and speech day

Well I did go to the Pelican yesterday and watched the first half of the match, well I had to as there was a plasma screen at every angle I looked at, amid people of all ages dressed in red and white with painted faces chanting the name of a new country apparently taking part in Euro 2004 - Ing-ger-land! They even have re recorded come on Eileen (Dexies MR) using the same phonetic pronunciation. Where is this country and why do they have so many supports here?

Well tomorrow is son's school speech day. The one day of the year I hate. It reminds me off my own ,sitting there for hours watching all the clever herberts going up on stage,shaking hands with the headmaster and governors and receiving a book or a cup, knowing that I'll never be called up, embarrassed for my parents for having to go throughout the ritual having driven several hours just to be there, They gave up coming eventually, so I used to skive of and catch the train home.
speech days are a bit different these days, certainly at Dom's School, starting at 10.00am with various concerts in the marquee from recitals from the choral society to a collection of Glenn Miller from the brass band. 11.45 a full church service in the marquee until 12.30 when one breaks for lunch, the majority being taken in the grounds, the sumptuous contents being meticulously laid out on portable picnic furniture, with china and silver cutlery with glasses and a chilled Bollinger served from the back of the latest Range Rover or BMW MX5 as if it was polo at Smiths Lawn.
This is a good time to arrive, having missed the morning proceedings and pulling up next to one of these shining chariots in our 7 year old Land Rover Discovery (TDi!) which is generally used up at the stables, just as they are preparing their feast. Out with the sandwiches and cava served on a rug on the grass- I just love the looks. - OK we used to do the proper bit when Dom was at prep school, but now can't be bothered.
Then there's 2 hours of the delight of prize giving when after the 40th recipient your hand start to bleed from applauding - the whole proceedings culminating in afternoon tea (luke warm) served on the lawn ( weather permitting) before we can finally escape - oh I can't wait.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Strange Phenomena

As you have probably sussed by now i'm not in the slightest bit interested in the football, but I have just been proof reading 600 email addresses checking for spelling and duplications before a mail shot which seems to induce a strange Phenomena.
As my eyes were blurring over I have just called Chris to see if he wanted a friendly 18 on Sunday to which he agreed, I suggest an afterwork pint at beer o'clock (Belinda's riding tonoght). No he said, he was going to the Pelican at 5pm to watch the soccer - Soccer? at 5pm? you're leaving work early to watch soccer? - I'll be there at 4.45pm!

Local Comment -Bloody Ignorance

It appears that "The friends of the old piggery site very nearly adjoining but in fact some way away from Freemans Marsh" and other protesters against the Marina, have taken it upon themselves to boycott Highclose Farm shop, as they beleive this is still owned by Alan Holland.
Mr, Holland does not own this business and hasn't done so for over a year and it is infact owned and Managed by a Newbury Company. It would be wrong to deprive a legitimate business who provide an excellent service pruducing fresh produce for the towns pubs,restaurants and direct to customers.

US Open

If, like me, you have no interest in the current soccer tournament, may I draw to your atention the fact that theres starts today an international competition of historical importance (Though not quite so as THE Open) The US open starts today and it's the only competition apart from the Ryder Cup where I consider myself to be European, In other words I don't care who win the US open as long as he's European and preferanbly Nick Faldo. Go here for the live Leaderboard Any bets on the outcome?

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

It's all gone quiet

If there are not as many postings as usual, I appolgoise. I'm busy on several fronts - trying to commit funding from thr EPSRC for the Super Computing 2004 show in Pittsburgh and a lareg Management of Information event at UMIST, so I'm spending most of rhe day emailing.
I will try and post something of interest shortly, at least I've sorted out my medication
now and I feel fine, which is handy as I'm taking part in a golf day at West Berks club next Tuesday -more on that later.
Off to the Watermill theatre tonight, it's B's birthday on Friday, but only tickets available for tonight. more later

Monday, June 14, 2004

La Vorderman est tres populaire internationale

Through site meter I can see every ip address who visits this blog, it also gives the refering site address which if not my website address by someone already known, then they have arrived here via a search engine. The search string is shown as an active link and will list my site if any of the search words appear in any of my postings. I get quite a few when peoples are search ing for bands or artist that at some time or other I have mentioned.
The weird thing ever since I have mentioned Carole Vorderman, I have had loads of hits almost exclusively international. The Search queries have been : Vordermans Bum, Vordermans arse, Carol Vordermans, Knickers, Vordermans thong (used), Carol Vordermans tits - pictures of, Vordermans rump steak, Vordermans nipples pics etc.
It seems that the world is obsessed with La Vordermans body parts, but mainly here bum.

Weekend Round up

Well, we got stuffed by the Kiwis and the Frogs, seriously decimated by the All Blacks on their home turf, which was not to be unexpected as I think they are the strongest Rugby team in the world and we are fielding a young squad in order to bring them on replacing the retired stalwarts, So what was England's excuse in Portugal?

Musically Friday night is usually pretty good on the TV, however with the amount of new bands around why does Top of the Pops still turn out the inane drivel that they call R&B, which now just seems to consist of ganster rap. TOTP used to be based on the charts and introducing new bands with current releases. This task now seems left to the more mature experts and shows such as Jonathan Ross and Jools Holland. JR had the Cure doing a live set and a new single plus and old number,great to see the Cure again but whilst they haven't changed musically or looks wise, Robert Smith has eaten all the pies and become a bloaty.
Jools had the excellent Keane, Donna Summer, Jet and best of all - Toots and the Maytals, who are still giving it all after 40 years. The producer of TOTP would do well to watch these programmes where artist actually perform live!

Didn't play golf this weekend as I had a bit of a turn early Saturday Morning due to mucking about with my medication dosages and had to cancel, so spent the weekend sat in the sun on the patio with a good book and a jug of Pimms.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Something about a match

I can't help noticing a number of vehicles with a St.Georges cross flag protruding from their windows. Upon asking a friend who's considered knowledgeable on all matters sporting (Sid) he informs me that there is some sort of football match this weekend. Now I do not follow football and have not the slightest interest in the game (sorry Jack) unlike Rugby, which is the true game. So I enquired further and asked who we were playing in this obviously important cup final event.- Well apparently it's France and its the start of Euro 2004 which is a friendly and we haven't actually qualified for anything yet. So why has half the country been driving around displaying a flag for the last week, I thought you only did this when we won something eg The Rugby World Cup!
Well I'm all for a dust up with the French whatever the sport -so good luck Chaps, just don't put every match of Euro 2004 on terrestial TV on every channel for the entire evenings during the whole series!
By the way did I mention the rugby - England v New Zealand this weekend, oh and I'll be playing golf tomorrow and I bet there'll be some berk with a flag attached to his trolley. Hmm must get some new balls

Thursday, June 10, 2004

LOL - I can just picture this

Mary Poppins stunt lands man in hospital
A man in China ended up in hospital after he tried to use his umbrella as a makeshift parachute.
The man, from Chonqing, western China, is believed to have suffered two broken legs, reports West China City News.
He told police he jumped out of the window because he thought his microwave oven was about to explode.He had thought that the umbrella would enable him to land safely - like Mary Poppins in the Disney children's film.

I remember doing this as a kid, jumping off the garden shed roof after stringing up my teddy bear in a hangmans noose and shooting his eyes out with a GAT gun air pistol. I must have landed OK because I don't remember hurting myself - mind you I was 37 at the time!

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Weather Gripe

Now this really pisses me off, Newspaper headlines 'Phew what a swelter' and 'Hottest day on record (so far this year)' even though the day before was the hottest day this year before this one and no doubt next week we will have another record hottest day of the year next week - its only June for Christsake! it's supposed to be warm in June, that's why they call it flaming June.
The Breakfast TV has some weather forecaster informing us that Today will reach 30 degrees C and we should all wear factor 100 sun block and not go out in the sun. Then they go on to tell us what to wear to keep cool, what sort of materials are beneficial, what to eat and what to drink. What they forget is that many of us actually have to work for a living (or in Grocer Jack's case attending Project Management Foundation courses)and that the majority work indoors, arriving at work before 9.00 and getting home at 6.00 (unless one stops for a pint on the way home).
In other words we don't see the sodding sun and certainly don't get the chance to go and lay in some park and sunbathe along with dozens of herberts who have taken a sickie because the suns out! We get weekends for that, so that we can play golf and have BBQ's and get rained on!
It would make boring news if they did this abroad. One doesn't need to look at the weather forecast in Spain or Southern France, you know the sun's going to shine. But we get one day at 30c and the media is full of the fact that this is hotter this day than Malaga, Athens, Corfu or Madrid - so what! Petrol, food, booze and fags are half the price in these countries and every day is in the high 20's - now if they could arrange it so that it was 30c every Saturday, Sunday and Bank holiday now that would be good news!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

This made me smile

The 150 or so people who live in the village debated the issue after roadsigns kept being stolen - many by British tourists.
Spokesman Siegfried Hoeppl, said: "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us F*cking is F*cking - and it's going to stay F*cking - even though the signs keep getting stolen."
He said the name came from Mr F*ck and his family who settled in the area 100 years ago, and added "ing", meaning village or settlement.
The villagers didn't find out about the English meaning of the word until Allied soldiers stationed in the region in 1945 pointed out the alternative meaning.
Local newspaper editor Menhardt Buzasa said there had been an increase in the number of signs being stolen, and said British tourists were usually blamed. "I do not agree it is just the British. F*cking is universal. Germans use it as much now as the British, and it also means the same to the Americans, Australians and anyone in the English speaking world," he said.
Similar votes on a name change have taken place recently in neighbouring Austrian towns Wank am see and Petting, as well as in Vomitville and Windpassing.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Waiter this dressing tastes familiar

Read this story, then tell me how the victims new what was in the dressing: Former cook 'put semen in sandwiches'


As I said below Sunday afternoon was back to school after half term for Dominic, which is around a 1.30hr drive each way plus the usual chats with his housemaster and tutors. Anyway the point is, I don't travel much these days, the weekly trip to the golf club, 10 mins, the daily trip to my office, 5 mins the odd trip to the cinema or shopping in Swindon and a trip to the DTI in London once a quarter and I use the train for that (and that's an entirely different story). I just don't have the need to travel these days after spending 20 years doing 30,000 miles per year.
So the journey up to Dom's school (N.Cotswolds) is about as far as I go and is restricted to beginning of terms and speech day (which I loathe, always did when I was at school, having to sit through all the prize giving knowing that you were never going to be presented with anything).
Back to the point: Where the hell have all these motorbikes come from? (yeah Japan - I know)I've noticed a gradual build up locally over the passed few years, mostly Harley's owned by a 50+ age group, but I'm astounded by the proportion nationally. A sunny Sunday and the roads are inundated with Ninjas and Fireblades, mixed in with the odd superb Ducati. Now don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against bikes or bikers having had many myself (bikes that is).
The problem is the shear numbers usually in groups of 3 or 5, traveling on main A roads at very high speed, nothing new about that, but combined with hazards such as geriatric Sunday drivers, Steam traction engines, Gypsy horse drawn romany caravans, horse boxes, caravans/boats tractor/trailers, ice cream vans et al (all of which we encountered yesterday)the bike accident rate must have hugely increased. We witnessed at least three near potential fatal accidents. Two at junctions and one centre carriageway.
I think as a car driver I am now more likely to be involved in a collision with a bike than with a car. Unfortunately, as I drive a large 4x4 the biker is going to come off worse.

Weekend round up

Posts might be a bit sporadic this week as I have much to do. weekend round up - crap golf Saturday morning, tore up card and almost threw clubs in bin. Sunday - more course work with son before driving him back to school - great weekend! more on this later.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Rump Steak a la Carol

You know its bloody weird out their in WWW land, don't ask me how I got there because I haven't a clue, but here is one of the weirder sites I've come across (no pun intended). It's a site dedicated to Carol Vorderman's bum called Vordermans Rump Steak If you are a Vorderman afficienado then go there, beleive me it's weird

Course work

I have a theory concerning the high percentage level of GCSE and A level passes that we see now compared with my exam days (1973). My son, who is currently home for half term, asked me last night if I could help him with his Design Technology course work, which involved the design and manufacture of an embossing press. No problem, I said as I pulled out a sketch pad and started working out some ideas. He pulls out his laptop ( which is newer, faster and bigger than my Dell inspiron) and proceeded to interpret my designs using the latest version of Autocad! He then asked me if I could photocopy an entire file for his PE human resources course.
In our day we had to hand write and draw and colour in each diagram, now they can go on the internet, search for the model and copy and paste it into their paper.
No wonder the pass rates are so high, the information is so available through technology that they do not have to put in the research and background work that we did. For instance if you wanted to review a piece of work by Keat's, you would not go to a library, spend ages looking for the particular passage and hand copying it out. You just type "Keats" in google click on the relevant passage and print.

Local comment - Marina

Well the Dowlands Planning committee approved the Marina application at the public meeting last night which must have really pissed off Billy Nomates. I suspect tis is not the end of it. Whatch this space.

Blonde on Blonde

Debbie is my favourite female artist of all time and certainly one of the most fanciable, however a band booked to support Blondie has been told they can't go on beforehand because their lead singer is blonde. M.A.S.S were booked to open for Blondie at a gig in Amsterdam, but minutes before the show started they were told they couldn't perform first. The promoter told them they could only perform after Blondie - whose lead singer Debbie Harry is blonde.
I'd I have thought someone would have noticed this when booking the band, but who's really being pedantic here? Debbie has never been known to be demanding. Having seen Blondie live in the early days when they were tight but having seen a recent TV live performance, I would guess that it as more a case of a fear of M.A.S.S. upstaging Blondie.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Local comment - Marina

It was good to see a balanced report from Meridian on the local news on Friday night over the Hungerford Marina Project. I thought Ron Tarry came over very well and put his points for the case succinctly as did Nick Furr with his points against. However the whole thing was summed up for me by the canal users. 2 or 3 boat users were interviewed and said that for the boating community it would be a useful facility and improve services dramatically.
I still find it amazing that many people who live in the town are totally unaware of the location of the proposed marina. Belinda was asked last week if we had moved from Hopgrass because of the Marina being built at the bottom of our garden! This was from some one who often walks their dogs on the Marsh. She was quite surprised when the exact location was pointed out.
Anyway there is yet another public meeting in the corn exchange tomorrow night, along with he Downlands sub planning committee and WBC - lets hope a decision is made one way or another and that be the end to it.

If Myles is reading this, hope the op went well and wish a swift recovery, looking forward to getting you back on the golf course

Jackson Trial Date and other musings

I hear a date has been arranged for Michael Jackson' trial - he is an 11 year old Pueto Rican called Manuel! Boom boom.

Great TOTP2 last night, 30 minutes of a 1972 live concert from Rod Stewart and the Faces with original line up including Ronnie Wood and the late Ronnie Lane, but minus Ian Mcglacan, this was from around the time they were doing work with the Stones, Woody and Mac both playing and contributing to the Sticky Fingers Album and doing some solo work with Keith (most elegantly wasted) Richards. Woody shortly afterwards to Join the Stones full time. - Just thought you might be interested.

Bank Holiday Round up

Golf - Firstly Congratulations to Scot Drummond who won the Volvo PGA, an excellent performance from a rookle who only wanted to finish in the top 30 to retain his tour card for the season Scot is Scottish but live in Devon, so we can count it as a home win but even better Nick Faldo (Eng) and Darren Clark (NI) tied for 4th position, 2nd & 3rd were Johnny foreigners. I was fortunate to have Friday home, waiting for BT engineers to turn up -they never did- but it did mean a morning catching up on paperwork and an afternoon watching the second round of the golf.
Saturday morning saw my turn on the golf course and inspiration from watching the pro's. Par on holes one and two, but an over long tee shot on the 7th par 3 found me in long rough at the back of the green, a chip out on to the green and bugger me in she rolls for a birdie, two more pars on the back 9 made me more than happy and so home I went to watch an undisturbed afternoon's play from Wentworth with a six pack of Guinness (Belinda had gone to pick up the boy from school for half term)
Sunday didn't start so well. I do not recommend inserting a contact lens into your eye without first rinsing in a neutralising solution. Neat peroxide does horrible things to the inside of your eyelid and surface of the eyeball. Fortunately I managed to get it out before causing any lasting damage and dousing with cold water seemed to do the trick. That's the first time in 17 years of wearing lenses that I have ever done that, can't imagine what I was think of.
However I recovered enough for us to visit the cinema to see 'The day After Tommorrow' which is an excellent film for special effects but a crap story line - if you've seen Amagedon, Deep impact, Independence day, volcano and Twister then you've already seen this film.
Sunday Evening found us at a great party at the plume to celebrate Spikes 60th Birthday, thanks Spike it was a great evening.