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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Merry Christmas

Well I'm finishing work today, not much point in coming in to the office as the phones are deathly quiet and there's no one else here, think I'll head for the pub lunchtime and go home.
I hope to work on the novel over the holidays and get plenty of golf in between parties and hangovers. I supose I'd better do some last minute shopping tomorrow.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all bloggers, I might post over the holiday if I have something to say

Friday, December 17, 2004

TV's worst adverts

A little while back I mentioned some of the most annoying adverts currently doing the rounds at the time ie. Bev.kev.kev,bev and 'don't worry it's only a commercial. well I've been kindley notifired courtsey of Bob Carr of a web site that covers most web based trivia but also a top ten weekly chart of the worst adverts. I'm glad to see that no.1 currently is the phones 4 u ad's which a guarranteed to put you off buying from them. go to WEBMOMENTS for a little light releif.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

A few sandwiches short of a picnic

I meant to post this earlier in the week but have been to busy to get around to it. This article was on the front page of last week's Newbury Weekly News.The more I read it the more funny I found it especially the last comment.

Hungry thieves ruin pensioners’ Christmas party

A GROUP of Newbury pensioners were left distraught yesterday (Wednesday) after someone stole the sandwiches for their Christmas party.
More than 70 pensioners attended the party at Fairclose Day Centre in Old Newtown Road on Wednesday afternoon, which was organised by the Newbury branch of the Red Cross.
Party organiser Elizabeth Leigh said: “One of our volunteers spent a lot of time making sandwiches from eight loaves of bread, with good quality ham and turkey.
“Three carrier bags of sandwiches were left in the porch of the day centre’s kitchen at lunchtime and when the volunteer came back 15 minutes later the sandwiches were gone.
“We have looked in all the rubbish bins and searched the day centre but they have never been found. The volunteers and the pensioners are very upset about this, as it has ruined our party.
“The Red Cross has organised this Christmas party for the pensioners for the last 30 years, but nothing like this has ever happened.
“One of our volunteers has gone to get some more bread to make sandwiches, but the whole thing has left a nasty taste in my mouth.”

Monday, December 13, 2004

Foggy Golf

An Interesting stableford on Saturday, we had heavy fog from the begining and even by our 9.00 tee off it showed no sign of lifting. Visibilty was about 75 yards which meant that the 187 yard par 3 first was a bit hit and miss - not the green, we know where that is - but whether the 4 ball in front had holed out and cleard. It was just a case of hitting the ball and waiting for a shout back 'Oi watch it!' Fortunately there were no injuries haowever I did manage to find just about every bunker on the course and even managed to reverse the buggy in to one.

Thanks to Hungerford Design for inviting us to thier firms Christmas Dinner at Donnington Golf Club, and excellent do especially as we had to share the dance floor with 15 Hairdresser Babes from Toni & Guy, it certainly made interesting viewing.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Ideal Christmas present No.2

Here's another ideal present for those pet lovers constantly on the move. Maybe adapted for Rabbits or small dogs. Click on picture to enlarge.

Choose your weapons carefully

I'm pleased to see that the government is finally taking on board the fact that a person has the right to defend themselves or their property without the fear of prosecution. In my mind anyone who breaks into my house with the intention of stealing my property or harming myself or my family while pursing that intention leaves any human rights or protection from the police or law at the point of entry.
No one however disadvantaged, deranged or drug fuelled has the right to endanger the lives of my family or steal my property without the fear of severe retribution.
The law says that one can not use unnecessary force in confronting an intruder, even to the extent of threatening them with a gun if they are unarmed although they usually are armed if it is with a knife or kosh or gun if cornered they are going to use it. So here's my advise: get yourself a crossbow or paintball gun (and anyone who has played paintball and been hit close up by one of these knows how much it hurts).
Both can be legally held, both can cause extreme pain and is unlikely to cause death unless with the crossbow you aim at the torso or the paintball gun at the face. Even better, with the paintball gun one could use a dye which would mark and identify an intruder should he escape. If your were an intruder confronted by a property owner aiming a crossbow at your gonads what the hell would you do? Put your hands up or go for your gun?
If he tries to attack I would have no hesitation in pulling the trigger (having first made sure that I didn't know the intruder In case it was a drunk neighbour who accidentally broke into my house).If the law is against me then I'll take the risk that if I will still be alive then they can prosecute me. Tony Martin may have served 3 years for manslaughter but at least he's got the rest of his life to get over it.
The upside of using these weapons is that the police can't take your shotgun certificate away, as they did recently to a property owner who simply fired a warning shot in the air to scare off an intruder and crossbows are quite cheap. Neither of these weapons if used correctly will result in extreme loss of blood, unlike a shotgun or meat cleaver, resulting in expensive carpet cleaning bills
The downside is they are not the best shape and size to keep under your pillow at night and not the quickest weapon to load and arm, so not advisable to keep loaded by the side of the bed as getting up for a pee in the middle of the night could result in an unfortunate accident. The downside of the paintball gun is that if you miss you will have to redecorate the room.
A simple notice on your front door stating that 'anyone entering this property unlawfully will be met with extreme prejudice and divine retribution' that should do it - provided they can read!

People Really Said These Things In Court

This came in my email this week which I found mildly amusing and feel the need to pass it on:

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Sad Day

Well I didn't intend to watch the BBC documentary on the Hungerford Massacre last night but unfortunately I did and now wish I hadn't. I remember that day 17 years ago like it was yesterday and whilst I was not personally involved, I did know some of the dead and injured like everyone else in the town and as a close knit community all pulled together to overcome our grief along with sympathy and condolances from communities all over the world.
Being a member of Round Table helped because it meant we could physically do something positive in the aftermath, although the press and media attention for months afterwards was immense. We didn't want nor need this documentary, certainly no one in Hungerford needs reminding of the events of that day.
For those of you who read this blog that live outside our community, we are fed up by only being known for the Hungerford Massacre, and not the pretty historical market town that we should be known for. Unfortunately dodcumentaries like this will not allow it any other way, it just reminds us of how helpless we all were at the time. I sat in my front room watching things unfold on the news as Ryan was running around Hungerford, the Police completey unaware of his location, I had all doors locked and my shotgun nearby just incase he walked up my drive, What I would have done if he had I'll never know. Fortunately my wife was at work in Newbury, but we couldn't get in touch with each other which was frustrating.
I can only hope that the families of the victims haven't been too traumatised by this documentary, I can only hope that they didn't watch it! Thankfully many details and victims were excluded form this version and we were spared any sensationalism with actual photographs etc. I note much of the filming was made elsewhere.
I think the BBC proved that the only good thing that came out of the events of taht day was the need to update our communications systems.
I hope this will be the last ever on the subject, but no doubt there'll be 'Hungerford 25 years on' or some such other. Personally I wanted to cry after watching this.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Hungerford Lights

congatulations to Rod D-M, Mansil & Roger B amnd all their helpers on the organisation of the High street Christmas lights, I know a lot of effort had to be put in last week to meet the Saturday turn-on deadline and the effort has been worth it. The results are excellent they should look great for next week's Victorian evening.
Golf was pretty poor this weekend, playing in the December medal, on a par 3 hole I hooked my T shot out of bounds, had to re-shoot for 3 strokes, hit staight into a bunker - 5 strokes to get out then a 2 put - total 10 strokes. result- tore up card!
I did enjoy the first of the new series of Little Britain on Friday, some great new characters and I think will be compelling viewing over the next few weeks - do watch.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Are we a Racist Country

Some people may take offence to this posting, certainly none is intended, however something has been occurring over the last couple of years which leads me to believe that we may be subliminally racist.
The spate reality TV shows have grown massively recently and there are many of them where the public must vote one for a particular person, whether it be a celebrity or aspiring pop star. Shows such as Big Brother, Pop Idol, X Factor, I'm a celebrity GMOOH all start out we a number of contestants, a percentage of which are coloured. Now as far as I know a coloured person has never won any reality show where the winner has been exclusively voted for by the public and quite often they are the first to be voted off.
Most recently in I'm a celebrity GMOOH both Sheila Ferguson and Huggy Bear were nominated for eviction right from the beginning and indeed were evicted one after each other. In both editions of pop idol there have been a number of excellent black performers who get through to the final 3 or 4 but when it comes down to the voting process the general public will go for the white contestant.
It was interesting that in last week's MTV awards, nearly all the winners were Black performers or Bands, even though white acts were nominated in almost every category. However the voting was from across the whole of Europe, with the event being held in Rome and the voting taking place over a number of weeks. In contrast This weekends' top 10 records of 2004 were all white acts and voted for by telephone on the night.
My theory is that the voting public is largely made up of white late middleaged viewers whilst on Early Saturday night's the young coloured population are out doing something antisocial!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Good Luck Ellen

"I'm nervous still, wind all over the place, just shifted through 120's just in the clouds, it shouldn't be like this. Breeze is due to die but, until I can get out of this cloud mass, its going to be like this...its gone from 8 knots to 25 knots....that makes it very hard onboard, and we are heading all over the place...not good for our positioning on the Canary Islands ahead of us. Right now our boat speed is just 8 knots and I'm heading for the islands... Can't leave the boat for 5 minutes without something happening...hope it's going to stablise soon...

Dry mouth...not eating properly yet...not totally got my head in to this...going to try and fix the leak on the fresh water tank to make myself feel happier! Problem is that with the wind shifting all the time, I don't want to get stuck down below, as I keep having to rush on deck to trim the sheets."

This is the latest message from Ellen Macarthur at 10.00 gmt this morning. I forgot to add this earlier in the week but I wanted to wish Ellen all the very best of luck with her challenge to beat the 72 day record of sailing 26,000 miles around the world single handedly. She is 4 days in to the trip and currently 2 hours 24mins ahead of the current record holder. You can follw Ellens voyage via her web sight TEAM ELLEN, which gives the latest positions, upto date info and live web cams. Also some interesting facts about the challenge and the boat.
Good luck Ellen, from the sound of that last message she's going to need it. Go Ellen you can do it this time!