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Friday, February 09, 2007

This is going to be good

Countryside Rocks
in aid of the Countryside Alliance
Bryan Ferry . Steve Winwood
Kenney Jones and the Jones Gang . Mike d'Abo
Special guests include:*
Eric Clapton . Jon Anderson . Gary Brooker

Highclere Castle, Newbury . Saturday 19 May 2007
Click here for tickets:
or call the box office: 0871 919 8321
(Box office open 9am - 5.30pm, Monday - Friday)
Tickets: £75 per person . Under 19: £50 per person
£5 ticket discount for Countryside Alliance members**
Numbers strictly limited . Gates open 4pm . Order a picnic or bring your own
Champagne, wine & Pimms bars . BBQ, deli & coffees
VIP tickets available
Dinner and drinks in our VIP tent . VIP tickets £175 per person
To buy VIP tickets, please call 0871 919 8321

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Evidence of Genius in the Court Room

These quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget things.
ATTORNEY: You forget things? Can you give us an example of
Some thing you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: Because my name is Susan

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: And how many were girls?
_______________________ _______________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: And was this person a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: Dah, all of them.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
ATTORNEY: What school did you go to?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Wales v. Ireland

Great match but I reckon the South African ref probably had Irish relatives!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Here's Jonny!

A very welcome back to Jonny Wilkinson in yesterday Calcutta cup. This was a classic game of Rugby in the true spirit of the 6 Nations cup, and there's nothing better than duffing up the Scots!
It was great to see Jason Robinson back in the side again and scoring a superb try. This was a totally different6 team to the onwe I saw last at Twickenham in Novemeber.
New coach, new Captain and old blood.
I'll bet Mike Tindall and Zara Philips weren't invited round to Mummy's for dinner last night, The look on Princess Anne's (president of the Scottish Rugby Union) face as she handed overy the cup said it all.
I can't wait for the England Wales match, but we have to beat the favourites the. Irish first.