I'm Lovin' it

When I nipped into a McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I was confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the lavatory. On the back of his T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!', but the look on the poor sod's face told a different story.

Funny Old Day

Well- (in the form off any old time honored blues song lyrics) I woke up this morning - and during he usual ablutions in the bathroom, managed to snort shaving cream up one nostril, fortunately at the point of having passed a final swish of my razor, but not quick enough to suppress a sneeze which ended with me nicking My chin which bled profusely.
Having stuck the obligatory patch of toilet tissue to the wound I then proceeded to brush my teeth whilst doing so the offending snorted shaving cream caused me to sneeze again. This resulted in me shoving my electric toothbrush probe into the furthermost corner of my mouth resulting in more blood loss.
before taking a shower and in the normal order of affairs , I found it necessary to sit on the toilet. Now at this point I need to explain that we have a wooden seat attached to the porcelain by two simple socket type holder which under normal circumstances are perfectly adequate; however our seat is cracked so it is liable to move around if you are not careful.
Sneeze No.3 projected the seat forward, unfortunately the family jewels hang below the seat and made contact with the porcelain. After several tearful moments, I dragged myself off the floor and climbed into the shower willing the hot water to wash away the misery, only to find that the hot had been plunged by Dom who had left for college a couple of hours earlier and Belinda who was at that moment in the kitchen washing up, having had her shower previously.
Now I'm really pissed off, I have a Blood Letting (test) at the surgery in 45 minutes so I do not have time to let the immersion heat up, so a Luke warm shower it is followed by insertion of my contact lenses which for some reason have not completely diluted the cleaning solution in which they reside in overnight. This results in me inserting lenses soaked in Hydrogen peroxide directly into my eyes.
For those who have not tried this - don't! It's like driving six inch nails through your eyeballs, but there again I've never tried that - but it must be something like it.

So I finally make it to the surgery and experience an uneventful blood letting at the experienced and extremely pretty hands (and the rest of) Nurse Nikki. I had been asked by my GP to book an ear syringing during my next visit, 'No problem' they said,'We can do Friday however; you need to insert 7 drops of olive oil in each ear for 10 minutes each twice a day until Friday'.
'Virgin or Extra Virgin?' I asked the receptionist
'Oh I'm sure Virgin is Ok', she replied.
Boy I can't wait until Friday.

How very thoughtful

I read an article in the MOS at the weekend concerning MP Lembit Opik's relationship with Cheeky girl Gabriela Irimia. The article was based on an interview with the twins mother Margrit.
She stated how happy he she was with the relationship and that Lembit is such a nice boy. He is 41, she is 24, she said that he was extremely generous, he buys her jewelery and cloths and has a lovely house in Kensington which Gabriela is due to move in to live with him.
Margrit said that in fact he was so generous that he has offered to move in Gabriela's twin sister Monica as well because they can't bare to be apart.

Now this man is not stupid - just lucky I guess!

Just a thought - Snow at Xmas?

 
I was just giong through this years Christmas cards and I was suprised at how many cards no longer depict the Nativity or in fact anything to do with the traditional Christian scene. However there are loads of Father Christmas, camels, donkeys, reindeer and horses.

The main thing that struck me was the depicition of just about every snow covered feature one could get on a card. Now when was the last time it snowed at Christmas, certainly I can't remember and unless you live in the farther most parts of the northern hemisphere you are unlikely to, apparently it didn't even snow in Lapland for Christmas this year.

In this age of global warming and the unlikelyhood of it ever snowing at Christmas again, how many more years are we going to have snow covered cards, seeing as how we seemed to have done away with the more traditional Christian scenes? 

Happy New Year

I hope that you all enjoyed an eventful evening last night, we certainly did and Belinda is currently paying the price. Well done to Neil, Shirly and Maz for arranging such a great James Bond themed evening at the town hall. All I can say is that I was glad the chips were free at the gaming tables otherwise I would now be bankrupt, I don't think I shall be taking up gambling as a hobby.

Dom obviously had a good evening judging by the state of him today.

It's now been 6 weeks since I have been able to play golf as the course has a buggy ban due to the persitent rain, however I did still attend our annual Christmas lunch at the club with my golfing players and our partners, We pay for the wine with our kitty of fines accrued throughout the year, needless to say we had a copious amount but still maanaged to drink the club dry of red.

So now it's back to reality and on with the job search, A Happy and prosperous new year to you all.