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Friday, November 05, 2004

This has got to be the weirdest spam email yet

I just received this email, and I know it's Friday and I've been to the pub but I couldn't get my head round it - Can you?

i is that Helen? Are you the producer of Channel 4's Home Makeover programme?"
"Hi, my name is Sue, I'm calling from ZZ PR, we have a new designer on our books that makes household furnishings. They're really nice, cushions, curtains, seats, kitchen appliances, really interesting designs. Would you be interested in featuring them on the new series you're making?"
"Can you send over some pictures so I can take a look?"
"Yes I'll email them over now."
Home Makeover
New series of home makeovers, shooting January 2005.
Contact Helen Moss,
phone no: Fax no: Address.
"Hi is that Helen Moss?",
"Hi. I'm calling from XX marketing, are you interested in featuring Egyptian cotton at all?
Cookey Nook
New series featuring the best of what's available in smaller specialist shops and online.
Contact Tim Hollingsworth

"Hi, is that Tim Hollingsworth?"
"I understand you're about to make a new TV series called Cookery Nook?"
"Yes, we're shooting next month."
"My name is Mike, I'm calling from The Frost Partnership. We're a a marketing company. We represent a few companies that might be of interest to you. We have a kitchen designer, a store that sells 200 different types of mushrooms, a new fruit juice that's being launched in 2005 and we've also just taken on a new account for a better health campaign. Would any of these things be of use to your programme?"

"I'd like some information on the mushroom store, maybe the kitchen designer but the better health campaign could be a feature. Can you send over some information? We have a production meeting at 2 so it would be good to go in with some new ideas."
"No, I can't."
"Why not?"
"I don't subscribe to Advance Production News, so I don't know about you or your programme."
"Missed opportunity then?"
"Yes, we're a bit too nervous to take TV head on."
"But it's simple. Ok, well... ok. Shame The Mushroom store sounded ideal for us."
"Could you just give me the number of the mushroom…"
"Sorry I'd love to, they'd be over the moon at being featured on TV too, would expand their market penetration bigtime. There is another PR company that's doing quite well in the same street as us, they know about every programme coming up, want their number?"
"It's 020-8305 6905, call up and ask for a sample pack of Advance Production News, the PR and Marketing guide to television and film about to be made. Each brimming over with production staff open to ideas and looking for products to feature. Or, you could email with your postal address and someone in the office will send you a sample magazine to have a look at. See what programmes might be of use to you."
Here's a few now...

The Only Gays In The Village
New series inspired by the Little Britain sketch in which four gay celebrities move to a village that has no gay people at all.

Clothing, home décor, cars, music, novels, t shirts, jeans, food - companies at the ready.
Contact... 6 x 60 mins.

Bed And Bardsleys
New series in which Wifeswap couple Lizzy and Mark Bardsley run a bed and breakfast in Blackpool. Anything you fancy putting in their hands or hotel?
Contact….. 4 x 60 mins.
Landmark series exploring and celebrating the coastline of the British Isles.
Cars, restaurants, towns, events, clothing, even petrol stations… please contact...
12 x 60 mins.

Extreme Health Farm
New series in which celebrities go through some extreme health treatments from all over the world to see if they work. Clothing, cars, shoes, jewellery, make-up, purfume, food, bathroom ranges, bathrobes, any products interested in being featured, contact...5 x 60 mins.

Full On Food
New cookery magazine programme following food from the field to our dinner plates.
Interesting products or ideas? Contact...

Mr Harvey Lights A Candle
Drama about school master Mr. Harvey as he takes a group of children on a visit to Salisbury Cathedral. Kids clothing, products, shoes, coats, phones…1 x 90 mins.

The Afternoon Show
New flagship daytime series for the Irish channel presented by Big Brother runner-up Anna Nolan. Guests, products, events, charities etc should contact...

If your clients are interested in being featured on television, Advance Production Magazine is your key to the door. Used for over five years by PR and Marketing departments, it lists programmes on all channels and supplies you with contact name, phone no, fax no, address, programme information and shoot dates. So if you have a product you'd like to get on televiosn, call the production team up and tell them about it. The companies that subscribe to APN, have resubscribed year after year.

With hours and hours of programming to fill, your product is probably just a phone call away from it''s television debut. So whoever deals with television in your office, order them a sample pack. It's free.

For a free sample pack, call alan on 020-8305 6905 or return this email with your postal address requesting one.

Alan Williams
Crimson Communications
211a Station House
49 Greenwich High Road
SE10 8AT
020-8305 6905


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