If You'd Rather Be Playing Golf......or Rugby

It's been a while

2010-04-26T14:10:00.003+01:00

Well almost a year since I last posted on this blog, but I'm going back in to hospital again. So like oct 2007 I hope to keep a diary of how things go.
This time it's a fairly major procedure being done in 2 stages 2 months apart.
I just hope it doesn't turn out to be as lenghty stay as last time

Swine Flu?

2009-05-05T12:44:00.001+01:00

A Win worth mentioning

2009-03-16T13:58:00.007Z

I haven't commented on the championship so much this year because I have had difficulty in finding words to describe Englands performance so far without errupting in appoplexy.

Things changed on Sunday, England 34 - France 10. It wasn't just the final score that was a joy but the return of that magic spark that enables England to play proper rugby.

The ball was quick and moved around the field in such a way that demoralised the French, less ping pong kicking, more discipline and most of all attacking from the backs and use of the wings, well done England.

On a different note Dom and Charlie are coming home next week, Hurrah!

No Comment

2009-02-05T11:12:00.005Z

When I came home yesterday afternoon nearly all the snow from Tuesday had almost gone, then I got up this morning to this

Now Belinda has the day off as work is closed due to the roads being impassble, however this poses a problem - how are we going to get to Wine Rack today?

6 Nations time again

2009-02-03T10:57:00.006Z

Well I got that wrong, it's still snowing, white out at 9:30 this morning, but now the sun is out and starting a global meltdown, but still half the country is taking another day off.

Still we've got the weekend to look forward to, yes it's that time of the year again, the RBS 6 Nations and we've got a gentle start with the Italians ( if they're not working at a Total Oil refinery in the North East). However my money is yet again on Wales who have shown more consistancy in the autumn tests which the England squad have yet to attain. Click on the logo left for the official RBS site with the fixtures listed

So that's my next 6 weeks of TV sorted all I need is to make sure there's a good supply of Guinness in the fridge.

Talking of TV, I know I said we're not avid watchers but there's a new series called being human on BBC 3 Sundays repeated after DR Who (repeat of last series) on Friday nights. I won't go into detail but it's about a modern day Werewolf, a Vampire and a female ghost who all share a house in London, quite amusing and followed by a double helping of the best thing on TV - Family Guy

Same as Usual

2009-02-02T10:36:00.004Z

One night of snow brings headlines 'Snow Brings Travel Chaos Across Britain'.
This phenomena only happens in Britain, the only country to experience snow falling out of the Sky - in the Worrrldd!
Despite 2 days of snow forecasts the whole country has to shut down due to the fact that nothing will work in the snow. Buses cannot run due to Health and Safety, Airports are closed because planes cannot take off or land, Motorways are closed because they haven't been gritted, and trains cant run because the people who operate them are swivel eyed tossers and any excuse not to get out of bed is good enough for them.
Ever heard of SNOWPLOUGHS? Do you think that all Scandinavian Countries close down for six month of the year because of some white stuff?
We've got 5cm here, my son works at a ski resort in the French Alps, he arrived there in October in a Ford transit camper van and hasn't seen it since, due to it being under 2M of snow, (see picture in post 6 down) yet the French (curses under breath) manage to keep the roads entirely free of the icy stuff.

And here's another thing, the government warns us not to venture outside unless our journey is essential- so what does that mean? The entire country can take the day off work? what is essential anyway? if you've got a heart bypass operation booked for this morning forget it, your surgeon can't get the bus to the hospital and ambulances are confined to their garages due to health and safety.

And tomorrow it will be all gone and everyone will be asking the same question, the same one we ask every year - why does the country come to a halt every time it snows? I'm sure the answer has something to do with the same reason that this country is in deep shit.

Magic Goat Arrested

2009-01-25T13:02:00.002Z

Oh only if this were true. Report in the paper yesterday

Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.
Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.
"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.
"They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat. We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat."
Meanwhile... Nigerian police are seeking your help regarding a huge sum of money from a deceased deposit in the Security and Finance company. They assure that all will be well, and are contacting you because you are known to be reputable.

Dave

2009-01-05T12:35:00.002Z

Well as I mentioned, Santa brought both B and I the flu for Christmas which 10 days later we are still suffering the affects.
This meant that we spent the entire holiday period pretty much housebound apart from B having to attend to the horses daily as they had managed to injure themseleves in various ways.
This meant that a considerable amount of time was spent in front of the TV which we don't normally do, in fact we only normally watch on a Sunday evening and the late news on a daily basis.
Unfortunately the terestial TV schedule for the entire period was about as exciting as measles (apart from Dr Who) so alot of channel hoping occured until on boxing day I discovered DAVE.
Dave is a freeview digital station on channel 19 that shows continuous reruns of Top gear, QI and Have I got news for you and loads more.
Certainly the saviour of Christmas TV.

My end of year political rant

2008-12-29T12:15:00.003Z

London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are incharge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned butoverbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their fat unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Elastoplast to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when youcouldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; hiswife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.'

Happy Christmas

2008-12-25T12:02:00.001Z

Santa brought me a Dremmel workstation and the FLU! - cheers Santa

Twas the night before Christmas

2008-12-24T11:54:00.002Z

There's nothing like giving a turkey a good massage!

Dom & Charlie Update

2008-12-20T11:35:00.004Z

Dom and Charlie arrived in La Salle les Alpes in October and within a couple of weeks the snow arrived. Dom is working at the ski resort Serre Chevalier which opened on 6th Dec. They are having a great time and certainly plenty of skiing. The picture above shows Dom's van buried uder snow.

This will be our first Christmas without Dom, we'll miss him.

Interesting

2008-10-25T12:26:00.000+01:00

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Deja Vu

2008-10-15T11:09:00.001+01:00

Well on 9th October I went back in to hospital, exactly a year to the day of my initial operation. This time for a clean out and possible revision as the infection is still in the joint.
All went well and I am now relitavely pain free but still need the walking frame to get about and the knee brace, However; they have told me that the only way to fix this is to completely remove the implant and replace it, but this can't be done in one operation.
Stage one would be a 3 hour op to remove it and replace with a plaster version impregnated with slow release antibiotics. An attempt at this stage would be made to realign the Tibia. Hospital stay approx 10 days
Stage 2, 8 weeks at home without weight bearing and a course of intravenous antibiotics, which would mean the insertion of a central veneous catheter again.
Stage 3 back to hospital, removal of temporary implant and fitting of the new one with final tibial realignment, 10 days.
Stage 4 recoverey - approx 4 - 6 months.!

Well I've given up any idea of playing golf again in the near future, but they tell me that I do not need this op until I want it, which at the moment is some time never, but be assured they said, the infection will flare up again and at which point I will be begging for it. - So we'll just wait and see.

Dom & Charlie update

2008-08-19T16:52:00.005+01:00

Having spent the summer travelling through France, Holland and Germany, Dom & Charlie finally settled in southern Spain and worked the season. They have Just arrived in Grenoble (French Alps) and are waiting for the start of the Ski season which starts in December. They hope to be able to stay there until April

Bad English Kills

2008-06-30T11:11:00.002+01:00

This should brighten your day up, unless you're a sailor in distress, in which case don't trust the Germans

BAD ENGLISH KILLS

Still Struggling

2008-06-28T11:30:00.002+01:00

Well I eventually received an appointment with Swindon Orthotics to have my knee assed for a fitted permanent brace. Appt date 10th October!
I had a post op temporary brace fitted in April affter it was decided by my consultant that my impant had failed and as they had cut me knee away, there is nothing further they can do except brace it. The temorary brace is now 2 months old and apart from being very uncomforatable it is falling apart.
My consulatant wrote to Orthotics stating that it was urgent that I was assessed and that I could not walk without the brace.
They have come back with a new date - 8th August!
Still not able to make the golf course, but practicing pitching and putting in the garden. Now over a year since I last played.

Gerroff my Garage!

2008-06-26T15:55:00.003+01:00

You know the neighbours will park anywhere

Starting at the begining again

2008-05-07T10:58:00.002+01:00

The onset of the good weather has opened up a whole new world of opportunities for me. Since the operation I have pretty much been confined to indoors, apart from my twice weekly visits to the physiotherapist who is still trying to get me to walk without a frame and the odd visit to the pub.
Now that we have got the garden furiniture out, I can use it to balance against and move around small areas of the garden and use my ride on mower for further distances. I can also use the sun lounger to do my exercises on.
However the most important thing is today I'm going to learn to swing a golf club again, (after a year) I'm not aloud to hit a ball yet as this will throw me off balance, but just gradually building up the muscles neede to swing and trying to bend knees - I'm so excited!
Just hope the good weather lasts.

Love this story

2008-04-23T12:07:00.001+01:00

Ananova:

Flying priest disappears

A priest who took off with hundreds of helium-filled party balloons has gone missing off Brazil.
Rescuers in helicopters and small fishing boats are searching off the coast of Santa Catarina, reports the Daily Telegraph.
Rev Adelir Antonio de Carli took off from Paranagua, wearing a helmet, thermal suit and a parachute. He was reported missing eight hours later.
The 41-year-old priest wanted to break a 19-hour record for the longest period aloft with balloons, to raise money for a spiritual rest-stop for truckers.
A video of the priest showed the smiling padre being strapped to a seat attached to a huge column of green, red, white and yellow balloons, and soaring into the air to the cheers of a crowd.
Denise Gallas, treasurer of Sao Cristovao parish, said he priest soared to an altitude of 20,000 feet then descended to about 8,200 feet for his planned flight to the city of Dourados, 465 miles north west of his parish.
But winds pushed him in another direction, and the priest was about 30 miles off the coast when he last contacted Paranagua’s port authority, she said.
He had a GPS device, a satellite phone, a buoyant chair and is an experienced skydiver.
"We are absolutely confident he will be found alive and well, floating somewhere in the ocean," she said.

Plastic carrier bags

2008-03-05T11:41:00.005Z

This topic currently in the press annoys the hell out of me. The reason: Why the hell do we have them at all?
Currently M&S and various other stores are going to charge 5p for a plastic bag. 5p! is that going to stop people using them, if you shop at M&S you can afford 5p per bag so this is hardly going to reduce or even stop the use of plastic bags, maybe charging £1 per bag might have an impact.
In the States they use brown paper bags at nearly all stores AND someone packs them for you, they are totally biodegradable, recycleable and probably cost less than 5p to provide. why hasn't anyone in the media mentioned this. Is there some underlying political reason for not using paper, do the health and saftey Nazis have some problem with paper bags?
I remember not to long ago when supermarkets used to stack cardbaord boxes near the end of the checkouts, hardly anyone used plastic bags it was so much easier to pack everything into one box.
So vote for paper bags at supermarkets, lets face it they provide free 6 bottle wine carriers in cardboard so get rid os the plastic bag!

Pleas sign the onlie petition to the Prime Minister at http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/bio-degardable/ and make the government force all retailers to use paper bags.

Why Did I Bother

2008-02-06T10:08:00.000Z

It's taken a coouple of days to bring myself to post this as one can imagine.
The day was a success as far as my ability to travel as far and manage to see the day through.
The day was not a success as 40,000 Welsh travelled in from the West along the same road as us, basically one long traffic jam from the M$ to Twickenham.
The day was not a success as the 40,000 Welsh who caused the traffic jam delayed us by 2 hours thus subjecting us to one of the longest queues at the Guinness bar that I have ever known and allowing us to only down 2 pints before kick off.
The day was not a success as Englasnd played like a bunch of 6 year old - Girls!
The only highlight was that Jonny's first penalty kick between the post,the ball landed in my lap. However I still managed a knock on.

6 Nations time again

2008-01-30T16:50:00.000Z

I can't beleive a year passed since the last tournament a lot has happened in the last 12 months, so here we are again. We are planning to go to Twickenham on Saturday for the England v Wales match, I just hope I'm fit enough, it'll be the furthest I've travelled and the longest period of time I'll have been out of doors since October 9th last year. I just hope I'm up to it as the match is one I'm really looking forward to. I think England have a good chance of the grand slam, the triple crown and the tournament. The last time I said that was 2 years ago when I had a nice little bet on Wales for the 3 and won so maybe it's worth call to the bookies.

Set Backs

2008-01-21T11:59:00.000Z

well I managed to get rid of the knee infection by the beginig of January, however it did mean that we spent New years eve at home for the first time in 30 years and Christmas day was very shortlived for me as I managed an hour in the plume and then stayed awake long enough to eat Christmas dinner and a couple of glasses of Fleurie which I had to force down. However asw soon as the IV course finished on Boxing day things stared to pick up, I actually started to feel human again and on 30th dec was told the infection level was low enough to restart my physio.
So 2 weeks later and some hard work I was getting pretty much back to where I was before the infection.
That is until last Wednesdy when I had to call out the Doc who comfirmed that I had a bladder infection and prescribed a frther course of antibiotics.. Now normally this passes quite quickly, unlike passing water which is very painful, but combined with a neurological condition such as mine the infection causes multiple other problems and the only way to deal with this is to go to bed until it passes.
So that's where I've been for the last 5 days, along with several buckets to piss in as I couldn't get up to go to the loo. No fun for B' as I was perching over the edge of the bed during the night every half an hour making excriuciating noises.
After 3 days the antibiotics kicked in and the peeing pains stopped but then all the other stuff started happening, pains, sweats, stomach gripes, hadn't eaten for 5 days. So now it looks like its over which is just as well as I go back in to hospital tomorrow to have my CVC tube removed, what's the betting that brings some further problems.

Happy Christmas

2007-12-21T11:01:00.000Z

As we haven't been able to send any cards out this year we would like to wish all our friends and readers a very Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year

Requests for the full story

2007-12-20T14:48:00.000Z

Since my last post I have had a number of requests for the full story so here then is part 1 in more detail:

Tues 9thth October admission to Aldbourne ward in the new Brunel building at Swindon’s GWR. Check in very uneventful nice room though as it seems I managed to blag a private room with on suite bathroom, not dissimilar to a travel lodge but without the trouser press and mini bar. A fairly comfortable night although apprehensive about the op scheduled for 2 pm the next day.

Interesting experience down in the anesthetic prep room. I was having a spinal bock and epidural instead of a general anesthetic, this involved an injection directly into the spinal sheath along with a catheter placed outside the sheath (for the epidural pain relief – this stays in for 5 days) I was lying on my side whilst the injections where put into the base of my spine and IV canulas (cannuli ?) were inserted in my left arm.
The anesthetic took immediate effect in my left leg which I commented on to the anesthetist saying that it was rather clever. He explained that the dope solution worked on gravity and when I turn over I should go numb from the waist down which was rather handy as his next job was to insert a catheter up through the end of my willy and into my bladder, I then informed him that as I was now numb from the waist down would he refrain from volunteering any further details on what he was about to do.
My surgeon then came in along with his registrar when we exchanged the usual pre-op jokes like me asking if I will ever be able to play the Piano again. ‘Of course’ he replied, ‘strange’ I said ‘I couldn’t before’ Boom Boom!
He of course said ‘You won’t feel a thing’ with a maniacal grin, I waited for him to add ‘ever again’ but he didn’t
I then complained that every one had a face mask except me, was I becoming paranoid? So they gave me one just to shut me up. It was at this point I saw the strangest thing; the surgeon who was standing adjacent to my waist had a shaved orange leg hanging over his shoulder in the way a butcher would carry a lump of meat, oddly this made me laugh until I realized the leg was mine coated in Iodine.
It had been explained to me that I would be awake for the whole procedure but I would not feel anything and as it was scheduled for 2 hours I would probably drift off with the help of a mild sedation I would be given. So into theatre we went and the surgeon plunged into me with his scalpel, I couldn’t see or feel anything and so fell in and out of consciousness; however I could see a clock on the wall which currently read 2:45. suddenly the surgeon exclaim ‘Oh shit!’ at which point everyone gathers round, it appears that after having cut out and sawn off my existing knee and inserted the uper rod into my femur the lower rod would not pass an old fracture preventing the insertion of the lower shaft. I know no more until I come round in recovery at 5:00 pm and then taken back to my room.

My Implant

As I fully come round I feel fine, I do a quick assessment of my status, check that I still have both legs, I have a saline drip, a blood drip, a drain tube from my knee and a catheter from my willy (don’t even think about a morning involuntary erection) and the best bit an epidural drip into my spine delivering a measured dosage of Morphine and heroine so no wonder I feel no pain and have a smile on my face. I’m reminded of the Pink Floyd song ‘Comfortably Numb’
I’m offered food and drink at this stage which I gratefully devour at which point Belinda arrives and is pleased to see me sitting up and so bright.
I finished my meal and chatting non stop telling B all that I can remember about the op when she says that I am looking a little pale and getting paler by the second. I then pass out and she runs out shouting for a nurse who arrives very promptly and proceeds to try and rouse me (B, explained all this later) by gently shaking me and calling ‘Phil, Phil can you hear me’ she repeated this a couple of times then asked B if I responded to Phil or Philip, ‘Neither’ she explained ‘his name is Martyn’ at which point I came too.
Apparently my blood pressure had dropped rapidly causing me to faint, but back on the oxygen it soon returned to normal. The drawback of this meant that I had to have my BP taken every 30 mins throughout the night for the next 4 nights, this is not conducive for getting good nights sleep, but you soon get used to sleeping with your arm hanging out of bed.

A couple of days later a physio comes to see me, fortunately along with the staff nurse who was looking after me. At the time of my admission it had been explained to the staff that due to my Neuro condition that I could go into spasm any time my legs received a sudden jolt or pain shock and that IV Diazapam be kept on the ward in case. Unfortunately there was some part of this that the physio didn’t grasp because he just grabbed my foot and jerked it toward me. Immediately I felt my quads tighten then the whole of both legs, I shouted ‘spasm!’ just before the full effect hit me, fortunately the nurse was ahead of the game, she got out of the door, unlocked a drugs cabinet, filled a syringe with 20ml Diazapam and shot it into a canula in my left arm all in about 15 seconds. Unfortunately she didn’t have time to flush the canula first so had to force the drug through which hurt like hell and I didn’t know which was making me scream most. The spasm relaxed immediately, it was some time before the physio came back.

On the Saturday I watched England beat France in the semi of the RWC, somehow not as satisfying on your own with only a couple of cans of Guinness, watched on a 14” lcd screen 2ft away from your face, all alone. No one to discuss the match with, not quite the same somehow.

Ok now it’s time to get lavatorial, I haven’t ‘opened my bowels’ as they put it for 6 days now and so there is some mention of suppositories which I really do not take on board so I do a deal. I have now had all my tubes removed and so I am sort of mobile so if they can get me on the commode, which is basically a toilet seat on a wheelchair that slides over the toilet, put me in position, I can be left to get on with it. Well there’s a lot of wind but little lese so I pull the bell cord to get some one to let me out and half an hour later I am still sat there. I attempt calling but to no avail.
I am basically nude but decide that if I can at least get to the door I can probably get out and get some attention. To cut a long story short I managed to wheel myself by grabbing wall etc, into the main corridor with balls akimbo only to find everyone had gone for a tea break.
So day 7 and still no shit so will have to have 3 bum pills tonight. The duty nurse that evening was a delightfully funny, large Jamaican woman who explained that she would administer the suppositories for me and make sure that I ‘hung on to them’ so that they would be absorbed properly and to do this she would use a short piece of plastic tubing.
I immediately had an image of her using a blow pipe and said no way. I explained that, should I find it suddenly necessary, it would be difficult to get to the toilet unaided in the middle of the night I would have to use a bed pan – would this be a good idea after 7 days? She saw my point and decided to leave it until the morning.
The first thing next morning I got a nurse to get me into the bathroom and with the image of the nurse with a blow pipe I suddenly passed the equivalent combined weight of the England front row, it felt so good I let out a large cheer, cleaned up and pulled the nurse called.
‘Are you alright?’ she asked.
‘Yes, but you may need to put in a call to Dyna Rod’

I had an incision wound at the side of my knee which wouldn’t heal up and continuously leaked fluid and it seemed whatever dressing they put on it still leaked through, however I was due to go home as I could now fully weight bear on the knee and inspite of leaving a trail of blood from my wound along the corridor after having convinced the physio’s that I could manage stairs, they pronounced me fit and able to be discharged. This would mean that I would be home for the Rugby World Cup Final! However I did mention to the Doc that morning that I had a pain in the calf muscle to which to suggested that they get it scanned before I go ‘just in case’
Getting a scan took another 2 days, Friday, and the result was …. 3 blood clots in 3 veins so if you would care to stay with us for another 7 days we’d be pleased to have you, oh and enjoy all the facilities, sorry about the trouser press. I actually cried
Didn’t enjoy Rugby final started on Warfarin and high dose Tinzaparin injections in stomach.
Sunday was fun, I had my staples out, this made my side wound bleed even more heavly, never mind they just used thicker dressings.
A week later Thurs 25th Doc says I can go as long as my INR is near 2, but only way to stop wound bleeding will be to stitch up. Mr Cool (the registrar, real name Ahmed somethingorother) comes up from theatre to confer and agrees, as skin at that point is so tough it takes 2 of them to get 8 stitches in but it does the job and finally the wound is sealed. Physio tries the steps again and we are successful so he signed me off. INR result comes back at 1.9 which is good enough with a final shot and off I go!

An update - if youv'e got a spare half an hour

2007-12-04T20:02:00.000Z

For those who didn’t get an update on my knee operation I will try and combine the two but mainly concentrating on part 2.
Part 1 involved the basic knee replacement with various complications not least developing deep vein thrombosis which extended my 7-10 day scheduled stay to 17 days the worst of this being that I had to watch both the Rugby World cup semis and finals on my own on a tiny monitor over my bed, with only 2 cans of Guinness each time but there again not having had a shit for 6 days the guinness did help things along eventually, however after 3 days at home I was starting to walk again with the aid of a frame and even made it to the pub, albeit with a lot of help. The only problem being an incision wound in the side of my knee which had been made to reposition my knee cap wouldn’t heal and was being oozing fluid and being checked daily by our finest district nurse.
I was home for a total of 7 days before part 2 of this journey kicked in. I collapsed on a Sunday morning, fortunately in front of the district nurse who was redressing the wound in the side of my knee which wouldn’t heal. I had felt unwell during the night so she took my temperature just before I passed out. 39 c (102F). She called out a Doc who immediately called an ambulance and I was taken to Swindon A&E.
It soon became apparent that the wound was infected and had then infected the whole of the knee joint. I was admitted and sent up to a Surgical Assessment ward, then straight to theatre, (the play was awful – lol) as I’d had nothing to eat all day and it was then 10:00pm I was able to have a general anesthetic, so they proceeded to get as much poison out as possible then pumped me full of antibiotics.
The next morning they told me I would have to have another procedure which would involve opening my knee and scraping and flushing everything out and this would involve another general anesthetic so nil by mouth. I’d last eaten a slice of toast and drank a cup of tea at midnight after the first op.
I lay there all day waiting for them to come for me to go to theatre, eventually I was taken down at 1:30 am almost 25 hours after the toast but at least I was on a drip so that I didn’t dehydrate. It was a 4 hour op and I came around fairly sharply and although it was 4:30 I asked for something to eat and was rewarded with another slice of toast, Unfortunately I’d fallen asleep before it arrived!
In the morning they explained what I’d had done and that as my consultant surgeon wasn’t on the premises someone else had carried out the procedure and should have replaced a neoprene part of my implant but hadn’t. My consultant wanted to open up again, replace the part and flush out again.
So general anesthetic number 3 and a late afternoon visit to theatre again (same play). The next day I don’t know what planet I’m on, all I can say is thank God for the morphine drip.
After 2 days I feel a good deal better and get moved to a room with 3 other beds where I spend the next 8 days along with a number of different bed fellow who come and go as their stays are much shorter. Many different types of people become my neighbour including a chap who had just served 4 years in Belmarsh prison for attempted murder and was a crack cocaine addict – he had a stroke and was relatively docile but extremely paranoid.
I was told that I would have to have a tube inserted in my neck known as a Central Veneous Catherter, or Hickman tube (we call it my hicky) It’s inserted through a main vein in my neck a leads to the Aorta where it is anchored and a tube then comes out through my chest with a valve on the end. This means that my antibiotics can be administered IV at home. This procedure was done the following Friday under a local anesthetic and was fairly unpleasant and would rather stick my tongue up a Camel’s arse but I would now be free to go home.The only problem was that it was now 5.30pm on a Friday and a district nurse would have to attend on me for the first week when I got home and this would not be possible to arrange until Monday additionally all my medication would need to be ordered and delivered to my home so Tuesday was going to be my release date.
However the chap in the bed opposite had been moved into our room the day after me, he was elderly and not quite with it, on his seventh night he died. I was moved to another ward across the other side of the hospital and later learnt that he had died from MRSA. I had been moved as I was the only one who had surgery.
The new room was exactly the same as the old one, 4 beds, same layout people come and go. The following day, a Sunday a chap in his 60’s arrived on the ward straight up from theatre, he was awake and sitting up, I had a brief chat with him he’d had a minor stomach op and was able to get out of bed a walk to the bathroom with his drip stand. His family visited in the afternoon and I chatted to him in the evening. He fell asleep about 9.00pm and was pronounced dead at 1:38am. I had been awoken by a crash alarm and a lot of people came running into the ward with trolleys etc. They pulled the curtain around his bed but I could hear everything that was going on. Apparently the night nurse had come to me to flush my tube with Heparin – an anti-coalgulant- she had told me earlier in the evening that it would need doing, so I told her to just do it and don’t bother waking me. This she managed to do and after me she checked on the chap opposite only to find him still – no pulse – dead! The crash team didn’t bother to revive him as he’d been gone for an hour or so, apparently heart failure due to the anesthetic, so when they tell you there’s 1 in 100 chance of dying from surgery when signing the consent form believe them!
By now I’m getting paranoid, I really want to get out of there so come Monday morning I get nurses on the case with a view to getting discharged asap. Belinda got on to Hungerford surgery from home and they were brilliant, as soon as the hospital rang them they were already in place for me from Tuesday morning, by the end of Monday the medication I would need at home had been ordered and would be delivered along with a fridge to store them all in would be delivered by 8:30 the next morning and an IV nurse to train us all up.
Tuesday came and I was told I would be discharged late afternoon as all my in hospital medication would have to be administered at the correct time. As I’d been having Tinsaparin injections in my stomach for the last 10 days at 4:00 pm I would have to wait until then. Belinda came at 4.00 and the nurse went off to get my Tinsaparin shot and check my dosage which varies according to my INR blood level. When she came back she aid my INR level was to low and I would need to continue the shots for several days more, however they had not taken this into consideration when ordering my supplies and it was now too late to get pre-loaded syringes from the in-house pharmacy, would I mind staying another night? I was sat on the edge of my bed, packed and ready to go – to right I would mind!
Fortunately Belinda recalled that we had been given 4 syringes for emergencies the last time I came home so once I’d had the jab and we managed to convince them that we had enough at home they let me go – only 17 days!

So I am now home, confined to upstairs (I’m not allowed to use the stairs) so spend all day in the office and go to bed at 6:00pm. The nurse comes every morning but Belinda is getting pretty good at administering the 3 IV syringes and tomorrow she is entirely solo as the nurse wants her to do it without her being here.

Some other facts: The bug I got is called coagulase negative staphylococcus, I lost 3 stone in weight, grew a beard which came out grey and ginger (now shaved off), I still have the infection and will have for a further 6 weeks, they measure the level of infection by a CRP count in the white blood cells. The normal level should 0 – 6, 10 days after starting the antibiotic course my count was 133!, the last count was last Friday when it was 88 so it’s coming down, my next one is Monday so I hope it’s half that but it wont be until it’s in single figures that I will be in the clear.

So that’s it – in a nut shell – I would loose the will to live if I was to tell you the full story.

Bring it on

2007-10-07T16:29:00.001+01:00

Now this is getting interesting, The all Blacks on a bus home and England v France next weekend. Serge Betson will almost cerntainly be out as he suffered a concusion during the game, that's a legal 3 week lay off so all we need is for the neandertal Cheval to get food posing the night before and we're in!

Wow!

2007-10-06T17:05:00.000+01:00

England 12, Australia 10 (and going home)
Well we did it, I don't know how but we did. I ho9nestly didn't expect us to beat the Wallabies again and I would definitely have not put any money on England, but what a match. I haven't been so nervous since the 2003 final 30 seconds. Well done England lets see what happens next weekend.

Round up

2007-10-05T09:51:00.000+01:00

Well by now I was supposed to have a new knee and should have been just about ready to put weight on it but alas no. My operation was cancelled!
I was admitted on Tuesday as planned at Swindons's Great Western Hospital having spent the previous 2 days crapping myself with nerves and packing then repacking and generally hanging about with a knot in my stomach.
On the Monday I phoned admissions as requested to check that there was a bed available.
'Yes your bed is available an your operation will be at 11:00 am with Mr Kennedy' informed the kind lady at the other end of the phone.
'But my surgeon is Mr Deo' I replied.
'Sorry Mr Deo is on leave, Mr Kennedy will be doing your surgery, he's very good you know'
'I'm sure he is but he's not touching me, he knows nothing about me, do you even know what I'm having done?
'er, no, it'll be on the list and your on the list' replied kind lady'
'I suggest that you contact Mr Deo's office, because he's operating on me on Wednesday morning and I don't think he'll be best pleased to find that someone has already operated on his patient'
'Ok' said lady now not sounding so kind 'I'll call you back'
Six hours later the ward sister called me to inform me that Mr.Deo would be operating on me on Wednesday morning.
'Yes I know that, that's what I told the admissions lady six hours ago' she chose to ignore that remark.
'Can you come in at 2pm tomorrow (Tues) afternoon, come straight up to the ward@
We arrived at 2pm on Tuesday and approached a nurse at a desk and gave my name, she quickly glanced at a large wipe board with names and times written all over it, she then visibly turned pale and whispered something to another nurse who soon became agitated and then turned and smiled and suggested that we might like to wait in the corridor for a moment. After five minutes a red faced nurse came out and ushered us to my room. I was most impressed, en-suite bathroom, TV a good view of the A419, alas but no trouser press or mini bar.
'Would you like some tea?' asked the nurse.
'That would be nice' I replied, 'Shall I lie on the bed or what?'
'Er, no, could you just wait here, Sister will be along to see you shortly'
An hour later Sister came in and I hit the roof 'CANCELLED, what do you mean?'
'I'm ever so sorry the parts haven't arrived'
'I'm here for a knee replacement, not a 50,000 mile service'
'Oh yes I know you see we've got the implant just not the extra size drill jig that we need to fit it, as your having a rare implant we hire it in and it hasn't arrived. Can you come back next week?'

Bring it on next Tuesday!

You never know what's in the cupbaord

2007-09-07T11:04:00.000+01:00

A New York man retired. He wanted to use his retirement money wisely so it would last, and decided to buy a home and a few acres in Portugal.
The modest farmhouse had been vacant for 15 yrs.; the owner and wife both had died, and there were no heirs. The house was sold to pay taxes. There had been several lookers, but the large barn had steel doors, and they had been welded shut. Nobody wanted to go to the extra expense to see what was in the barn, and it wasn't complimentary to the property so, nobody made an offer on the place.
The NY guy bought it at just over half of the property's worth, moved in, and set about to tear in to the barn.......curiosity was killing him. So, he and his wife bought a generator, and a couple of grinders.......and cut thru the welds. What was in the barn...............?
CLICK HERE and start wishing you had bought the place. (click on the NEXT button at the top of the pics

Well That's it then

2007-09-04T16:05:00.000+01:00

Just heard on the news that Jonny Wilkinson has twisted a knee in training and won't be starting in the first game against the USA on Saturday, it just goes from bad to worse.

10 days to go

2007-08-28T13:20:00.000+01:00

OK so as I'm not going to be playing Golf until next year (hopefully) and my Knee operation scheduled for the end of September, and with a 4-6 month recovery period I'm going to have some time on my hands. ne plan will be to finish the book whilst I'm in hospital the other will be to watch the entire Rugby World cup on TV.
Unfortunately having watched the warm up matches with France beating England and Wales over the last couple of weeks and SA smashing the Scots defence. I don't hold out a lot of hope.
I haven't seen the Kiwi or All Blacks in action yet but I hear they are awesome.
I think we are fielding the strongest squad that was available to Aston, but our gameset seriously need attention and with 10 days to go I think we will be lucky to get passed ther quater finals - unless we draw Wales on Oct 6th, the alternatives will be SA or Australia in which case it will be an early plane home.
My money is on the All Blacks this time.

Half a Century and Not out.

2007-08-18T10:37:00.000+01:00

Well, I finally turned 50 on Thursday and thanks to everyone for their Alcoholic gifts and best wishes.

Although I had a pre-admiision day at the hospital on Tuesday, they still can'y give me a date for the Knee Op. SNAFU

Well at least the sun shone

2007-08-12T17:33:00.000+01:00

A trip to Twickers yesterday improved my suntan and increased my weekly alcohol units by several hundred percent courtesy of my favourite Guinness bar, unfortunately that was about it.

The filthy French beat us again, though narrowly but with the help of an Irish ref who probably has a holiday home in France. Unfortunately this does not bode well for the start of the World Cup in France next month.

Still we witnessed some good kicking from Oly Barclay and a superb drop goal from Andy Gomersall and it's always good to see Dallaglio on the field. captained by Mike Cat and even a short spell at the end for Johnny Wilkinson. Shame about the final score because we looked like a strong team on paper.

I think it's going to be hard for Aston to pick a squad of just 30 players to go to France and rumour has it that 14 of those are going to be from the last world cup squad, I wonder who those will be? watch this space.

Newbury Weekly News Rant-Again

2007-08-03T12:30:00.000+01:00

Ron Tarry's column
'Jazz Forum marks fifth anniversary'
'Town Police Station is safe despite officers move'
'Cows Join fund raising event (Great Bedwyn)'

These are all the items concerning Hungerford in this weeks NWN. More or less the same as any other week. It seems that nothing rally happens in Hungerford according to NWN.
I see we have a new reporter but maybe the regular one is on holiday.
Still no news from the Town Council, no update on their website or no comments from the Chamber of Commerce concerning the 6 empty shops in the town or the future of the Somerfield site.

The main story on the Hungerford page this week is 'County Council wins unitary battle' - Thats not our CC but Kennet District Council and entirely concerns Wiltshire, probably not of much interest to the 5000 residents of Hungerford, West Berkshire.

Well finally

2007-07-29T20:23:00.000+01:00

A decent weekend and a chance to get the grass cut. Saturday very good though very wet on the ground which meant the lawn tractor churned things up a bit but at least Bin was able to get out with the strimmer!
I spent all day Sunday servicing the petrol hover mower but to no avail, it still wouldn't start, however that took most of the of the day. so I just had to go indoors, wash hand and open a bottle.

At least the farm was able to harvest the Rape so now we can see across the fields

Floods

2007-07-24T09:43:00.000+01:00

Doctor Foster

Went to Gloucester

In the pouring rain................

Found all the roads flooded

not wanting to get mudied

So he took the plane............

To Malaga!

Exciting finish

2007-07-24T09:34:00.000+01:00

Well a not so very wet Open in the end, but probably the most excting end I've seen for years and the best part was that it was a European finish.
I was routing for Garcia but as soon as he started on the last day you could see he just lost his form ( which he never even got in the Scottish Open) so I was fully behing Broadhurst who was fast coming from behind along with Ernie Els but alas it wasn't going to be an English Claret Jug.
Congrats to Podraig Harrington who got the major he finally deserved.

The (Very wet) Open

2007-07-20T09:43:00.000+01:00

For the Live up to date leaderboard. click on the logo.

TIGER HATES THE RAIN! COME ON jUSTIN

Good Scottish Open

2007-07-16T17:44:00.000+01:00

I Always enjoy the Scottish Open more than the open and laste weeks event from Loch Lommond was exceptional especially the weather, and a course that I'd love to play.
Only 3 US players this year and Phil Mickleson taking charge, a shame to lose it in a play off and to an unranked Frenchman at that. Still some great play from Englishmen Poulter, Wesber and a fantastic finish fir Luke Donald.
I shall look forward to the Open on Thursday at Carnoustie and hope the demons of 1999 aren't still there
My money is on Ernie Els but I'd like to see Donald or Pulter win. Good luck to all.

TC Update

2007-07-09T15:29:00.000+01:00

Not only are we not getting information from the Town Council website but it now seems that whatever is discussed at Council meetings is being kept close to their chest. I suspect one of the following is the case:

There is a news gagging order in place,
The NWN reporter is on holiday or no longer attends meetings
There is nothing worth reporting.

These assumptions are based on the fact that there was no report from the July 2nd meeting in this week's NWN, which incidently often finds more to report about Ramsbury and Aldbourne Parish councils and village activities printed on the Hungerford page than in Hungerford itself. Infact they warrant a page on their own, especially the Aldbourne Players and Ramsbury Bowls club.

If it wasn't for Ron Tarry's column we'd have no news at all!

Live Earth

2007-07-09T11:37:00.000+01:00

Whilst I can't comment on the other concert venues but basically I thought the UK concert at Wembly was a load of crap, with the exception of the FooFighters and Red Hot Chillies.Maybe I'm a bit concerted out after Glastonbury, Concert for Diana, Live Earth and T in the Park, however I'm not a big Madona fan and I hardly think that staging seven concerts around the world is a good way to promote global warming awareness.
I know many people will have diferent views on this and I know that each of the venues tried to keep their Co2 emissions below 1500 tonnes, but that's 1500 tonnes more than if the concerts wern't held at all.The same message could be got across by showing Al Gore's film in every cinema in every country before every film.
If you want to help save the planet, just go paperless. Do not buy news papers with all the junk that comes with them especially at weekends and as for those free CD/DVD's 90% of them end up in the bin just think of the energy and material used to produce them and they're not bio degradable.
However I'm probably as guilty as most of the people who either watched or attended these concerts in that I was more interested in the music than the message and I was certainly disappointed with the music.

Town Council

2007-06-25T16:23:00.000+01:00

It seems that the TC are in their usual disarray with the departure of Roger Ballard, who it seems has had fairly unjust treatment over the last couple of years and now the unreported departure of newly co-opted 'Bouncing Buckle'. She lasted all of three weeks.

My biggest concern is how the town is being kept in the dark over all committee issues, especially as so much fuss was made a couple of years back over the disclosure of meetings and minutes to the public.
The TC website has not been updated since March and the latest minutes published by any committee was in February this year and according to published agendas there has not been any meeting of any sort for 4 months.

I suspect most of the committee's struggle to make a quorum According to the website our ward councillors are still Messrs's Mole and Gaines and the Mayor still her hollyness Gangily Gwyneth and don't try to contact some of the members as shown on the member list because they have resigned.

Come on Town Council get your act together

Where Did we go Wrong?

2007-06-24T12:27:00.000+01:00

Dom has finally finished college and is now
home permanently for the first time in 11
years, I'm not sure I'm ready for this!
I'm also not sure about his fetish for rubber
wear, however I can see some possible uses.

Finally an Update

2007-06-09T11:28:00.000+01:00

I've been meaning to update this blog for some time but I haven't been arsed, but as I keep getting moaned at I guess I can write something.
Firstly The Knee, Those of you who know me well know that, amongst other problems, I have had trouble with my left knee since it got mashed in a motorbike crash when I was 17 which resulted in a Post Cruciate Ligament reconstruction in 1995 with a carbon fibre ligament. This had to be tightened in 2002 and I had no further problems. However the winter buggy ban was lifted in February so I was at last able to play golf again; however after only two games my knee started playing up and got worse until I could no longer put weight on it, so after waiting 12 weeks I eventually got to see my orthopaedic consultant who asked me what the hell I had been doing to mess it up in such a way.
I was tempted to say it was due to the constant athletic sex that B. demanded but I ended murmuring something about golf. He X-rayed it and pronounced it to be an ex knee, the knee is no more, C'est Mort you need a new one. No problem I thought, in fact quite a result as you normally have to be in God's waiting room before they hand these out.
However; the consultant went on to say, because of my Neuro condition I will need an extra strong one and showed me a picture, now he said, 'This may hurt a little when you wake up' Ouch
Now I have to wait on at the mercy of the NHS for upto 5 months for the op. On the bright side I didn't pay my membership renewal at the golf club which was due on 1st May as I don't expect to be playing again for the rest of the year.

Farmer Mike

2007-04-12T20:34:00.001+01:00

Well it seems that from todays report in our 'Local paper' for 'Local people' That Mr D. has become a 'Local' farmer and has had his application for a 3 bed 'agricultural workers' house turned down - it's amazing how one can become a farmer these days!

Exctract from our local column in this weeks Local Paper ..........

"Meanwhile work has commenced on the new Safari park located opposite the farm. Original planning consent was for a Marina for 100 berths with hotel, pub, restaurant, museum and craft shops, but this has now been shelved to make way for the 10 acre park now owned by former 'Really Wild Show' presenter Terry Nutkins who recently bought Freemans Marsh and built his futuristic home at Hopgrass (soon to be featured on Channel 4's 'Grand Designs' - how to make a silk purse out of a cart barn).

The Park will be home to some of Britains really wildest, dangerous and rare creatures, sources have even suggested that there might be a pair of breeding rabbits and a particularly frocious hedgehog, whilst others have reported the prearation of a goldfish tank."

We hope to obtain more detailed plans from West Berks council and will publish shortly.

Billy white wedding Idol

2007-04-11T20:21:00.000+01:00

Dom nipped in to the haidressers to get 'highlights' done before going back to college at the weekend and the poor sod ended up looking like Billy Idol!. He was so gobsmacked and shocked at what they had done (basically a total peroxide bleach) that he just walked out without saying anything. He now has to endure the taunts that he will get whilst working at the Tavern plus the shit he's going to get from his girlfriend and at college.

An excellent Easter weekend with good friends along with good wine and weather, great to be able to sit outside, lawns cut, patio furniture teak oiled - global warming bring it on! unfortunately due to my cursed knee the only golf I enjoyed was the Masters on TV. Still it is my intention to get a round this weekend.

Talking of TV, I have to mention how much I have enjoyed 'Life on Mars' especially last nights final episode - which I think I understood - and I'm looking forward to the new series 'Ashes to Ashes'

Things are looking up

2007-03-20T11:10:00.000Z

Well, a good win for Wales, a bit late butas they say Better late............Its the Irish I feel sorry for, there was no way anyone could see the touchdown inthe final French try against Scotland, and the TMO who made the call that it was a try was Irish! I bet he was popuilar when he got back to Dublin, he bne Billy no mates.

I played golf on Saturday, the buggy ban has been lifted and it was my first roun for 4 months and even though I've had a dislocated knee there was no way I was not going to play. I played well but every shot hurt like hell. I suffered for it after and the only thing I could do was sit inforont of the TV all afternoon and watch 3 games of rugby back to back with only a six pack of Guiness for company although JB joined me for the England match and he brought his own Guiness.

Is this a lost tape of the Hendix version of the Welsh National Anthem 1970?

2007-03-08T15:55:00.000Z

With just a week to go before the Wales v England match in Cardiff I thought this little diity might raise a smile

LISTEN HERE - read below first

LONDON (AFP) - Jimi Hendrix fans were arguing over whether he followed his famous rendition of the "The Star-Spangled Banner" with a stab at the Welsh national anthem after a mysterious old demo tape emerged.
Producer Dave Chapman stumbled across a squalling electric guitar version of "Land Of My Fathers" on the end of a tape from 1970, which he found at his recording studio in Crouch Hill, north London. The recording was hidden at the end of a session by a long-forgotten band called the New Flames, whose bass player, Vivian Williams, was good friends with Hendrix.
It recalls the distorted sound of Hendrix's 1969 performance of the United States national anthem at the Woodstock festival.
And it is thought almost certain that Hendrix was in London on September 10, when the New Flames recorded their tape.
This was just over a week before he died at the age of 27.
Chapman found out before his death in 2005 that Williams had brought Hendrix to a pub next door to the Crouch Hill studio days before the guitarist died. The party drank into the small hours thanks to an after-hours lock-in laid on by the landlord.

Could Hendrix have recorded the Welsh anthem that night? No-one knows, and fans debating the issue on the internet are split.
The tape is now owned by former record producer Martin Davies, who inherited it from Chapman on his death. He is attempting to track down Vivian Williams, who originally came from the town of Crickhowell, south Wales, and is now thought to be aged 64, in a bid to clear up the mystery

LISTEN HERE

The Bell at Ramsbury

2007-03-05T15:52:00.000Z

First Things in order:

Nigel S. I hope things aren't to sore after your reversal operation and that all is working well!

Happy 40th Birthday Culley, sorry I couldn't join you for the golf.

Manys Thanks to Nikki W. and Steve, we dined at the newley opened restaurant at the Bell at Ramsbury. Not sure how to rate it overall but 3 out of our 4 meals were excellent one was inedible.
The service left a lot to be desired, the owner and front of house was more interested in talking to his regular diners and chatting up the female regulars, than serving wine etc to new custom. The rest of the waiting staff were an average age of 13 and intent only on delivering meals from the kitchen and the table and vice versa. This meant that if you wanted more wine or anything else you had to go to the bar and ask if there is there any possibilty of being served, as the chances of catching the eye of the owner were nil. Unless you were female, blonde, around 30 and wearing jeans and an armless afghan jacket that is.
On the plus side I liked the decor, wine, beer (Ramsbury Ale)and whiskey and there are not many places that serve 28 day old rib of beef.
Shame the owner is such a tosser.

This is going to be good

2007-02-09T21:09:00.000Z

Countryside Rocks
in aid of the Countryside Alliance
Featuring:*
Bryan Ferry . Steve Winwood
Kenney Jones and the Jones Gang . Mike d'Abo
Special guests include:*
Eric Clapton . Jon Anderson . Gary Brooker
Highclere Castle, Newbury . Saturday 19 May 2007
Click here for tickets:
www.countryside-alliance.org.uk/countrysiderocks
or call the box office: 0871 919 8321
(Box office open 9am - 5.30pm, Monday - Friday)
Tickets: £75 per person . Under 19: £50 per person
£5 ticket discount for Countryside Alliance members**
Numbers strictly limited . Gates open 4pm . Order a picnic or bring your own
Champagne, wine & Pimms bars . BBQ, deli & coffees
VIP tickets available
Dinner and drinks in our VIP tent . VIP tickets £175 per person
To buy VIP tickets, please call 0871 919 8321

Evidence of Genius in the Court Room

2007-02-08T14:23:00.000Z

These quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget things.
ATTORNEY: You forget things? Can you give us an example of
Some thing you forgot?
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: Because my name is Susan
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: And how many were girls?
_______________________ _______________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: And was this person a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: Dah, all of them.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
WITNESS: OK.
ATTORNEY: What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WTNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Wales v. Ireland

2007-02-05T20:48:00.000Z

Great match but I reckon the South African ref probably had Irish relatives!

Here's Jonny!

2007-02-04T10:49:00.000Z

A very welcome back to Jonny Wilkinson in yesterday Calcutta cup. This was a classic game of Rugby in the true spirit of the 6 Nations cup, and there's nothing better than duffing up the Scots!
It was great to see Jason Robinson back in the side again and scoring a superb try. This was a totally different6 team to the onwe I saw last at Twickenham in Novemeber.
New coach, new Captain and old blood.
I'll bet Mike Tindall and Zara Philips weren't invited round to Mummy's for dinner last night, The look on Princess Anne's (president of the Scottish Rugby Union) face as she handed overy the cup said it all.
I can't wait for the England Wales match, but we have to beat the favourites the. Irish first.

I'm Lovin' it

2007-01-17T21:06:00.000Z

When I nipped into a McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I was confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the lavatory. On the back of his T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!', but the look on the poor sod's face told a different story.

Funny Old Day

2007-01-15T19:59:00.000Z

Well- (in the form off any old time honored blues song lyrics) I woke up this morning - and during he usual ablutions in the bathroom, managed to snort shaving cream up one nostril, fortunately at the point of having passed a final swish of my razor, but not quick enough to suppress a sneeze which ended with me nicking My chin which bled profusely.
Having stuck the obligatory patch of toilet tissue to the wound I then proceeded to brush my teeth whilst doing so the offending snorted shaving cream caused me to sneeze again. This resulted in me shoving my electric toothbrush probe into the furthermost corner of my mouth resulting in more blood loss.
before taking a shower and in the normal order of affairs , I found it necessary to sit on the toilet. Now at this point I need to explain that we have a wooden seat attached to the porcelain by two simple socket type holder which under normal circumstances are perfectly adequate; however our seat is cracked so it is liable to move around if you are not careful.
Sneeze No.3 projected the seat forward, unfortunately the family jewels hang below the seat and made contact with the porcelain. After several tearful moments, I dragged myself off the floor and climbed into the shower willing the hot water to wash away the misery, only to find that the hot had been plunged by Dom who had left for college a couple of hours earlier and Belinda who was at that moment in the kitchen washing up, having had her shower previously.
Now I'm really pissed off, I have a Blood Letting (test) at the surgery in 45 minutes so I do not have time to let the immersion heat up, so a Luke warm shower it is followed by insertion of my contact lenses which for some reason have not completely diluted the cleaning solution in which they reside in overnight. This results in me inserting lenses soaked in Hydrogen peroxide directly into my eyes.
For those who have not tried this - don't! It's like driving six inch nails through your eyeballs, but there again I've never tried that - but it must be something like it.

So I finally make it to the surgery and experience an uneventful blood letting at the experienced and extremely pretty hands (and the rest of) Nurse Nikki. I had been asked by my GP to book an ear syringing during my next visit, 'No problem' they said,'We can do Friday however; you need to insert 7 drops of olive oil in each ear for 10 minutes each twice a day until Friday'.
'Virgin or Extra Virgin?' I asked the receptionist
'Oh I'm sure Virgin is Ok', she replied.
Boy I can't wait until Friday.

How very thoughtful

2007-01-09T09:51:00.000Z

I read an article in the MOS at the weekend concerning MP Lembit Opik's relationship with Cheeky girl Gabriela Irimia. The article was based on an interview with the twins mother Margrit.
She stated how happy he she was with the relationship and that Lembit is such a nice boy. He is 41, she is 24, she said that he was extremely generous, he buys her jewelery and cloths and has a lovely house in Kensington which Gabriela is due to move in to live with him.
Margrit said that in fact he was so generous that he has offered to move in Gabriela's twin sister Monica as well because they can't bare to be apart.

Now this man is not stupid - just lucky I guess!

Just a thought - Snow at Xmas?

2007-01-03T14:14:00.000Z

I was just giong through this years Christmas cards and I was suprised at how many cards no longer depict the Nativity or in fact anything to do with the traditional Christian scene. However there are loads of Father Christmas, camels, donkeys, reindeer and horses.

The main thing that struck me was the depicition of just about every snow covered feature one could get on a card. Now when was the last time it snowed at Christmas, certainly I can't remember and unless you live in the farther most parts of the northern hemisphere you are unlikely to, apparently it didn't even snow in Lapland for Christmas this year.

In this age of global warming and the unlikelyhood of it ever snowing at Christmas again, how many more years are we going to have snow covered cards, seeing as how we seemed to have done away with the more traditional Christian scenes?

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T13:29:00.000Z

I hope that you all enjoyed an eventful evening last night, we certainly did and Belinda is currently paying the price. Well done to Neil, Shirly and Maz for arranging such a great James Bond themed evening at the town hall. All I can say is that I was glad the chips were free at the gaming tables otherwise I would now be bankrupt, I don't think I shall be taking up gambling as a hobby.

Dom obviously had a good evening judging by the state of him today.

It's now been 6 weeks since I have been able to play golf as the course has a buggy ban due to the persitent rain, however I did still attend our annual Christmas lunch at the club with my golfing players and our partners, We pay for the wine with our kitty of fines accrued throughout the year, needless to say we had a copious amount but still maanaged to drink the club dry of red.

So now it's back to reality and on with the job search, A Happy and prosperous new year to you all.

A PC Christmas Greeting

2006-12-21T09:44:00.000Z

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. As a result, I met with my legal representatives yesterday and on their advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the seasonal solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the
religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted Gregorian calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Regards
Crox

Sign now to save our freedom

2006-12-15T16:55:00.000Z

The government‘s proposal to introduce road pricing will mean you having to purchase a tracking device for your car and paying a monthly bill to use it.

The tracking device will cost about £200 and in a recent study by the BBC, the lowest monthly bill was £28 for a rural florist, £194 for a delivery driver and for a non working Mum who used the car to take the kids to school the bill came to £86 in one month.

On top of this massive increase in tax, you will be tracked. Somebody will know where you are at all times. They will also know how fast you have been going, so even if you accidentally creep over a speed limit you can expect an NIP with your monthly bill.

If you care about our freedoms and stopping the constant bashing of the Car/Van/Bike User, please sign the petition on No 10's new website:

To sign up to the petition click here

Rugby sorts the beaus from the Barbarians

2006-12-06T12:54:00.000Z

This article was written by Dylan Jones and was published in last weekend’s Live magazine. I felt I should share it with you

With thugs and cheats as ‘role models', it's no wonder football fans can't compete with rugby's more refined supporters
We had only been at Twickenham for about 45 minutes but my friend Ian and I had already devoured four fairly serious pasties and four decidedly full pints of lager between us. We were slightly early for England v South Africa and thought we'd make the most of our protracted lunch. We had toyed with the idea of wolfing down a couple of large VATs and some gourmet sausages, but figured we could bulk up with those at half-time.
Having not been to a rugby match for a couple of years, I'd forgotten what a thoroughly gentrified sport it is. Not in a corporate entertaining way (where you simply drink your entire bodyweight in champagne while watching something, anything, on a large TV in a tent), but in a car park way.
Here there was a seemingly endless parade of vans selling everything from steak-and-stilton pies and organic lamb cutlets to chilled Guinness and drinkable claret. Plus -and frankly this is most men's idea of Guy Heaven - you had extremely pretty 18-year-old girls wandering around with backpacks full of ice-cold beer. How good was that?
There was booze everywhere. It didn't matter how much people drank because there wasn't going to be a fight - people at a rugby match know that it's only a game, after all.
Inside the stadium there were 80,000 men and women embracing the event, not scream¬ing at each other in venal gladiatorial ecstasy. People said, 'Excuse me,' as they squeezed past to the bar, only to be met by a volley of, ‘You're more than welcome' responses. And when we heard Iggy Pop's Lust For Life blast¬ing over the public address system after a conversion, it felt like a celebration rather than a call to arms.

You tell me why the St George's Cross seems a lot less incendiary when it's waved at a rugby match.
Should any of us be surprised? If football has become all about what you can get away with, rugby is, thankfully, still all about abid¬ing by the rules. If the referee rules against a football player, the entire team is contractu¬ally obliged to crowd around the official, shouting and swearing and intimidating him until he changes his mind or someone gets sent off. In rugby, the player simply does as he's told (there is rarely a sense of injustice), and his team accepts the decision, and if it doesn't, it is penalised by ten yards. (I think it's called sport.)
How can you expect the assembled throng to behave with any decorum when the gladi¬ators on the pitch show no respect to anyone or anything except their ludicrous weekly wages? (And make no mistake, footballers don't respect the people who pay them, only the money itself.)
Football has all the money, TV coverage and patronage of the media classes, yet it is becom¬ing uglier by the day. Sometimes used to point out the difference between rugby union and rugby league, it used to be said that football was a game played by gentlemen and watched by thugs, and that rugby was a game played by thugs and watched by gentlemen, butI haven't seen a gentleman on a football pitch for a longtime, and even then he was probably only there to sing the national anthem.

But it's simply a class thing, you while football is enjoyed by oiks, rugby is celebrated by toffs. But that's not the case at all. Never has been. The Pontyberem rugby team, who I saw lose at home to Brynamman in the division five (West) of the Welsh National League the last time I went to Wales, are not supported by the landed gentry, or even estate agents, come to that. And the mums and dads and kids in logo-bearing sportswear
didn't go on the rampage through town when their team lost that day. They simply went to the pub and drowned their sorrows with eight or nine pints before having a big old singsong.
And unlike the homo erecti at Stamford Bridge, Upton Park or Anfield, the crowd in Twickenham did not look like they have been sent from Thugs R Us, with shaven heads, tattoos, abusive T-shirts and a litany of profanity on call should it be necessary (apparently, it's always necessary).

No. at Twickenham I didn't hear tne ‘C’ word all afternoon. In fact, I'd forgotten how polite rugby supporters could be, even when there were 80,000 of them in a stadium, almost all of them cheering on the home team.
In some respects, going to a rugby match is like visiting the Isle Of Wight, because every thing sort of feels and looks like you hope it did 50 years ago. Apart from the organic pasties and the ice-cold lager, of course which Ian and I were knocking back like they were going out of fashion (temporarily forgetting that where rugby is concerned nothing ever goes out of fashion). And the drunker we got, the happier we became .
After the game, as we slowly strolled towards the stairs, I accidentally walked into a tipsy twentysomething Springbok supporter. 'Excuse me,' I said, rhetorically
'After you,' he said. 'After all, you won’
Which is exactly what happened to me the last time I saw an England game at Wembley. And if you believe that you’ll believe anything.

Anyone fancy a steak-and-stilton pie? I know I do.

Dylan Jones editor of GQ

Boo, Hiss Media Control

2006-12-01T10:40:00.000Z

My letter to the NWN re Dnise Gaines and Hungerford parking was printed in yesterday's edition though was heavily edited, especially the bit about West Berks Concil. The full letter was as posted on this blog last week.

Very interested to see that Maurice Barletta has resigned from the council and especially the response in the press from that dopey old bat, the Lady Mayor!

Went to see the new Bond film last night - Brilliant, best ever, not cheesy like the others, more gritty and real.

He's Gone

2006-11-29T14:50:00.000Z

I've just heard on the radio that Andy Robinson has resigned, thank God, though probably given the option of reigning or being sacked by the RFU.

Now common Martin Johnson - what about it.

He's got to go

2006-11-28T13:19:00.000Z

After another abysmal performance by the England rugby team last weekend it's surley time for Andy Robinson to go and the RFU persuade Martin Johnson to take his place.
There's no way we can go into the six nations with this current coach.

Alright back to this one

2006-11-28T12:52:00.000Z

It seems that people prefer this site to the new one so I'll update this with previous posts and leave the new site for just guitar info.

Free Parking in Hungerford

2006-11-27T13:06:00.000Z

Denise Gaines, (Lib Dem ward councilor for Hungerford) has published a letter in the NWN calling for free parking in Hungerford in the lead up to Christmas; whilst I applaud the suggestion I believe that it would make little difference in increasing trade in Hungerford as she suggests.

Ms Gaines is right, people do shop at out-of-town retail outlets, but not simply for the convenience of free parking but that one is unable to purchase the majority of today’s lifestyle needs; for instance where in Hungerford can one buy men’s jeans or casual clothes, shoes, socks, inexpensive ties, sports goods or clothes, mobile phones, computers and accessories, CD’s and DVD’s (other than the top 20 available in the supermarkets) in fact most of the items one would be shopping for Christmas presents. So the attraction of outlet centre’s is being able to obtain all of these items at one location alternatively, save the parking fee, save the petrol, save the time and buy online like 18 million people in the UK are expected to do this year.

It’s ridiculous that today I was unable to buy a standard car radio aerial, to replace a broken one, from either of the 2 service stations in Hungerford, I could do my weeks food shopping and buy enough wine and beer to throw a party, but try and get a fan belt or any car parts and I’m sorry it’s a trip to Halfords in Newbury, and Oh, while I’m here why not nip to Waitrose or the retail park and do the rest of my shopping.Ironically the bread shop in Hungerford 'Three Cooks' no longer sell bread as it can not compete with Somerfields.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Hungerford and will shop in the high street whenever possible and there’s nothing more I would like than to park my car for free in the high street, walking its entire length and get everything on my shopping list, but this is just not practical. Let’s face it, Hungerford High street consists mostly of Estate agents, Accountants, Antique shops, gift and jewelry shops, charity shops and others providing knick knacks or expensive furniture.

I do not know what’s on Ms Gaines Christmas list but I certainly wouldn’t be able to fulfill mine here. The answer to all this is to ensure that when shop premises become available, West Berks Council to encourage trading for only specific types of retail outlets by offering reduced rates and increased rates for non retail businesses using shop premises. Alternatively have our own retail outlet centre at Charnham Park and leave the high street to fend for itself, not an option I would welcome but with the additional housing we are expected to accommodate in the future, it may become an unwanted necessity.

A bit more like it

2006-11-20T12:53:00.000Z

Well a win against South Africa, I must admit after previous performances, I didn't expect it, however I still think Robinson should go.

No joy on the job front yet so after a year I've started work on the novel again. Only problem is I can't remember what I've written before and have to keep going back to remind myself of everyones names.

I hope to get the Les Paul Classic back this week after having the neck adapted to fit. I'm really looking forward to working on this, though I think it will be the last until next spring when the weather will be right for spraying again.

Speechless!

2006-11-13T12:56:00.000Z

After a very pleasant days golf at Blue Mountain on Friday, I was really looking forward to our trip to Twickenham to see England stuff the Argies; however things turned out slightly differently than expected. To start with my son put unleaded petrol in my diesel as we filled up prior to picking up JB and a friend. Fortunately he realised the mistake after 10 litres which meant we were able to get a further 50 litres of diesel on top. It might be Ok but we couldn't risk a trip down the M4 only to conk out in the middle of london, so alternmative plans were hastily made and we arrived at Twickenham in plenty of time to get to the Guiness bar and a few pints down before the onslaught at the same time mellowing my mood after the fuel fiasco.
Then came the game, as we wejnt in I remarked that after 6 losses in a row at least we will win this one.... famous last words.
Andy Robinson - you have to go! you ruined my day.

I'm Free!

2006-11-02T12:58:00.000Z

In the words of the Who ' I , or rather We are free'. Dom passed his driving test today and has gone back to college tonight independently removing his vehicle with him. Now all I have to worry about is him driving around on his own! -weird

2006-09-28T19:58:00.000+01:00

WELL IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM HIM AND GOODNIGHT FROM ME AS WE HAND OVER TO THE NEW SITE AT
WWW.CROX2.BLOGSPOT.COM

SEE YOU THERE!

Other stuff

2006-09-26T10:46:00.000+01:00

Well to bring you up to date I am now working from home until my contract finishes in December, so I have been looking for a job for the first time in 20 years. However there is talk of a new contract which I may or may not get, I have submitted my proposal but will not know if I ghet it until December and it won't start until March next year, so I still have to find something in the meantime. I hear there's a part-time job going in the pro shop at the golf club, I could apply for that, should be a laugh.

Other than that I've been spending all my time on the guitars, which is turning from a hobby to and obsession, currently have 4 projects in various stages of rebuild. I'm afraid it's taking over from my golf although I did manage to watch most of the Ryder Cup which was the best ever, well done Europe.

I notice Bob Gray has a new website which is worth a visit. I will add a link to my side bar shortly, in the meantime just click above.

Finally I am going to end this blog in its current format and look at alternative web pages which are more flexible. I'm arfaid it will be still self indulgent and may be more guitar biased. Entering my 50th year I feel some changes need to be made so this maybe a good way of chartering them.

I will post a link to the new website when it's complete - don't hold you breath- I may be sometime!

Birthday Boy

2006-09-26T10:25:00.000+01:00

Firstly apologies to my regulars for not bloging recently, there has been so much going on.
Congrats to Dominic (1st left in the pic) who was 18 last weekend. He had aparty at home, an experience I would not like to repeat. pictures are at the start of the party and at the end just prior to Dom passing out. As always there was the damage assement period the following morning when we came down to find bodies strewn all over the house and every piece of furniture which was suitable being used as a bed. The damage could have been a lot worse, a mirror, the leg off a chaise longue, a favoutite antique bowl and several wet patches on the carpet.

So all in all slightly less than one of our own parties.
Anyway he's back at college now with his driving test on Tuesday, please pass Dom so that I no longer have to do the college run, Good Luck.

Update

2006-08-18T10:35:00.000+01:00

Well due to heavy work commitments I have not been able to blog for some time so I apologise and will try and bring things up to date:

Golf: Playing regularly and well at the momment, seemed to have found my old form.

Celebrated my 49th Birthday on Weds, thanks for remembering Den.

Guitars: three projects on the go at the moment, can't bring myself to sell any so currently I now have 12. I seem to spend most of my time spraying in the garage. The only problem is that everything else in there gets a coating as well.

Dominic: Failed his driving test on Monday. Spent last week in France clearing out an old town property near Grenoble which a friend of his has bought which has been unoccupied for 30 years. It consist of a cafe/bar and everything was as it was when they closed 30 years ago even table cloths on the table. Everything was being skipped and Dom notice a guitar hanging on the wall. Of course he brought it home for me, a bit of a state but it'll make a great project, complete with dust and rust, bless him

He even manage to blag a job out there for the Ski season next year after he finishes college next June!

Work: Very busy at the moment preparing for this year's Super Computing show in Florida. This is my last contract with the DTI so come December I will be officially unemployed, so if anyone has a position in the Hungerford/Newbury area I am up for it, anything considered as long as it pays shit loads of money.

Hartley the horse had an accident a few weeks ago and nearly lost an eye, but after a short spell in horse hospital and a ton of drugs he has fully recovered and will be fit to ride this weekend.
Giving hime the tablets was fun, he had to take 50 per day for 10 days, 25 in the morning and 25 evening. These had to be crushed and mixed in with his food. which meant several evening with a hammer and rolling pin making up doses.

Scored an excellent 4 burner gas BBQ on ebay recently which arrived in 2 seperate boxes only problem was they were delivered 2 weeks apart and after six hours assembly I was very happy with my purchase - It's rained every day since!

Ok so who's Going?

2006-08-07T12:12:00.000+01:00

LONDON (Reuters) - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "Masturbate-a-thon," a leading British reproductive healthcare charity said on Friday.
Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/ AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday.
"It is a bit of a publicity stunt but we hope it will raise awareness," a Marie Stopes spokeswoman told Reuters.
"We want to get people talking about safer sex, masturbation and to lift taboos."
Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas.
However, the rules on the event's Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms.
"The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve," the Web site said.
The Marie Stopes spokeswoman said local religious groups had been initially outraged, but after people had heard what the event was about, most had approved it.
Police had also given it their approval.
Similar events have been staged in San Francisco for the last six years raising $25,000 for women's health initiatives and HIV prevention. If successful, Marie Stopes said it could take place elsewhere in mainland Europe next year.

Exhibitionist Joins The Eddington Massive

2006-07-28T11:00:00.000+01:00

Chris M. has moved from Kintbury in to a property in the heart of Eddington, now which way will he go - The People's Republic of Eddington led by El Presidente Manuel Young, the leader of the 3 man ruling military junta or EFF (Eddington Freedom Fighters led by Che D'basatble.

This correspondent will be watching development closley.

And we think police are out catching criminals

2006-07-28T10:54:00.000+01:00

Police ban widow's sign after 31 years

A widow was told by police to remove a notice on her fence which read: "Our dogs are fed on Jehovah's Witnesses."
The sign had hung on Jean Groves fence for thirty-one years without complaint.

Jean said even Jehovah's Witnesses treated it as a laugh and she put the sign back on the fence after the police left.
According to The Sun she said: "It's only a lark and it's staying there. I don't see what the fuss is about. Don't people have a sense of humour any more?"
Jean has a dog but it is a three-month-old Jack Russell named Rabbit.

Jean who lives in Bursledon, Hants, said: "My husband Gordon hung it up and it's been there ever since. No one has said anything in all that time. The police said it was 'distressing and offensive and inappropriate'."

Mrs Grove's son Richard, 53, said: "We never had a visit from Jehovah's Witnesses for years, so I suppose the sign did the job.

"There's no way we could take it down - it's living testament to dad's sense of humour. The only dogs we have ever had would have been more likely to lick people to death rather than eat them."

A Jehovah's Witness said: "If we see signs like that we just walk away."

Well that's just the point isn't it, proof that it works, - I've always wanted to put a sign on my gate proclaiming that 'Ramblers will be shot on sight! (especially ones wearing red cagooles)

2006-07-24T13:55:00.000+01:00

My own round of golf this weekend, whilst not quite up to Open standards, was equally good for me, certainly the weather is playing a major part in this, I drove 2 greens which I would not normally reach in other conditions, the ball rolling much further; however, the weather affected in other ways, we were 2 holes from the end when the thunder and lightening rolled in and the course was closed.

On the up side we have a new Pro, a very fit young thing called Claire. I think I may take up some lessons!

An Odd Open

2006-07-24T13:39:00.000+01:00

I have to say that the Open was the oddest I have ever seen. Firstly the weather was unusual in that it didn't rain, however this contricuted to the dryest lookinf links course that I've ever seen. This in turn led to some very unusual play. The most hole in one's in a major tournament, Eagle from 200 yard fairway shots and up and downs from the shear wall of a pot bunker.
All of these shots are pure luck, whilst a player aims to get a shot as close as possible to the pin, he doesen't expect it to go down, especially from a pot bunker one would be happy to get out in one shot and hopefully anywhere on the green. For some reason alot of these shots were going down.
Tiger again took control and there is no doubt that he is the best golfer in the world, however like Scumacher in F1 we all get bored of the best winning. I always back the underdog in the hope that Tiger will have an off day and someone new will win through.
I thought the crowd were a bit rowdy this year around the tees, whoopind and shouting 'In the hole' every time Tiger teed off, quite absurd really when it's a par 5 hole!
Any reason that all the Tee officials were Australian?

A Good Read

2006-07-20T12:05:00.000+01:00

I am currently reading a fascinating book 'Vulcan 607' which is a true story of a raid during the Falklands war.
I thought I remebered much about the buils up and the actual invasion by the Argies, but this book divulges much more than was generally known at the time.
If like me you were a fan of the Vulcan bomber ( next to Concorde, the most beautfull aircraft designed) you will love this book. Basically it is a gripping account of Operation Black Buck.
It tells how ingenuity, will power and sheer optimism got 30 year old aircraft that were days away from being retired to mount one of (if not the) longest distance bombing raids in the history of military avaition.

I cannot recommend this book highly enough, it is erudite, well written and, even though it is a history book, reads like one the best, fast paced, techno thrillers. Not only that but it is recommended by Jeremy Clarkson 'The best book in the whole world!'

The Open

2006-07-19T14:17:00.000+01:00

The open starts tomorrow at Hoylake, at least we can expect uninterupted sun for a change. Anyway good luck to Nick Faldo who opens paired with Tiger Woods. Kick his balls Nick!

Bring it on

2006-07-19T13:47:00.000+01:00

Well I for one am enjoying this heat, it's doing wonders for my golf; however, if I hear one more person say it's too hot or complain that they can't stand the heat, I'm going to swing for them. These are the same people who book 2 weeks each year on the Costa Brava, lay on the beach and fry.
Isreal and Lebanon are bombing the shit out of each other and what are the headlines in our newspapers? 'phew what a scorcher' 'Temp to hit record 102f degres' and 'record temp for July'. They forget the rest of the year when thousands of elderly die of the cold or people are regularly flooded through to much rain.
The radio and papers are telling us no stop of all the dangers of going out in the sun and how much water and sunscreen we should use and basically stay indoors.
The tarmac on the roads is melting and railway lines are buckling - funny this doesn't happen in Spain.
Now I'm going home to lay in the garden with a cold beer and read the paper which will no doubt tell me how dangerous this is.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

2006-07-12T12:40:00.000+01:00

"Remember when you were young..... you shone like the sun...."

Syd Barrett, the former lead singer of Pink Floyd and one of the key figures of the 60s, died on Friday at the age of 60 from complications arising from diabetes although his death was only announced yesterday.
The guitarist was the band's first creative force and an influential songwriter, penning their early hits.
He joined Pink Floyd in 1965 but left three years later after one album. He went on to live as a recluse, with his mental deterioration blamed on drugs.
He will be sadly missed as his music has influenced many bands and musicians

The Texas Hat band

2006-07-12T12:11:00.000+01:00

This is a band of some of my Guitar Friends from Reranch. They have a new CD out A MILLION MILES FROM NASHVILLE Click on the title to visit their site and click on any song, the more hits they get the bigger they look.

Reranch guitar finishing is a forum I belong to who give free help and advice on guitar restoration. Without these guys I would not have had a clue how to finish guitars. Posting this link is a little way of saying thank you

For anyone interested you can visit the forum at The Guitar Refinishing and Restoration Forum

Back again

2006-07-11T10:49:00.000+01:00

Well that was fun, computer problems, I could not access Outlook for some reason so tried to reinstall office and thats where it all went wrong, reinstalled an earliier upgrade version byt had remoned the original so tried a system restore which caused even more problems. Eventually had to reformat and reinstall everything from scratch - 2 weeks it's taken, although my laptop at home has been OK I haven't had time to post due to guitar projects.

Updates: Golf good, especially in this weather, able to get a couple of rounds a week.
Dom is home from France, tip - do not attempt to go to Stanstead on a Friday afternoon, 8 hour round trip!
Sorry to hear Mansil resigned from town council.I'm sure we have not heard the last of that.

New Pirates

2006-06-28T11:53:00.000+01:00

I am so excited, the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie will be released on July 7th and I can't wait. I only hope that it is as good as the first. You can view the trailer here

Here's a first. Last night's episode of Lost that I actually understood.Mind you it was the first episode I managed to stay awake through.

Forecast is good for the weekend so I shall be looking forward to Golf on Sunday morning and the rest of the weekend relaxing. Dom has decided that he doesn't like France and is returning on Friday. Unfortunately I have to go and pick him up at 5.30pm from Stanstead! The worst possible time for a Friday especially as it means my forgoing my usual Friday lunch.

I'm Being harassed

2006-06-23T11:12:00.000+01:00

I have taken a few days off this week to catch up on garden jobs. Whilst doing some repairs to the French window sills, an Army helicopter was carrying out maneuvers nearby.
Now this is nothing unusual as they use the private landing strip next to us as a reference point and quite often fly by and turn at this point, usually they are Hind type aircraft.
What was unusual was that this was a black stealth Apache attack helicopter which was a) bloody noisy and b) wouldn't go away. He just kept going around doing various aerobatics showing off and generally getting right up my nose, so when he next flew by and could obviously see me I gave him the V's with both hands and in no uncertain terms mouthed for him to 'get the fuck out of hear'.
Now this appeared to have been a bad idea because the pilot obviously clearly got the message, he put the helicopter into a steep climb, turned and dived straight towards me, leveling out at the last minute then circled the garden in ever decreasing circles until I thought he was going to land, jump out and lump me. However he continued to circle winding me up more, until he got bored and went away.
An hour later the helicopter was back, but somehow I guessed it was a different pilot although he too flew low over me. I believe the first pilot went back to base and told his mates to go and wind up the 'Victor Meldrew' character painting in his garden.

I wanted to complain but didn't know who to complain to, they could be from any number of military bases in our area, besides I couldn't see a designation number, I had considered get my rifle which has very powerful telescopic sights which would enable me to read any identification marks, but then I thought that this may be a bad idea, finding a red laser dot trained on my chest does not appeal to me.

Missive from Gascony

2006-06-20T17:49:00.000+01:00

Got a text fron Dom this Morning read: 'Feeling a bit pissed this morning, I've just bottled 2500 litres of red wine and that's just from the fumes. I've got the same to do in white this afternnoon.
Yesterday was spent tending vines and collecting 2 horses, one worth £32K oh and the temps around 34 degrees' - oh I wish!

Nice weekend

2006-06-19T17:56:00.000+01:00

Inspite of a golf free weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed it (even if Monty didn't).
No golf due to having to take Dom to Stanstead Airport early Saturday morning for his trip to France for the summer, he's working on a vineyard/stud (I only bought him a one way ticket and told him to find his own way back). We had lunch at the Golf club on the way back and a thoroughly lazy afternoon in the garden. Then Celebrated Neil B's 50th at the Corn exchange in the evening, very good band and great food, congrats to Neil.
Sunday was Belinda's birthday so absolutely no chance of golf, instead we had lunch at the Three Swans.
I have to say this was one of the best lunches I have had for a long time. I had a Tuna steak that was almost the size of the plate and at least an inch thick cooked to perfection, served by the chef ,John, who waited whilst I cut and tasted it to hear if it was to my satisfaction. Belinda had the Roast Sirloin of beef which was basically a cow minus the head, legs and tail, equally delicious washed down with a couple of bottle of Sauvigion recommended by Carol and the hole course preceede by fresh Scotch smoked salmon, the meal being accompanied by a jazz trio playing in the background.
I cannot recommend this venue enough for a Sunday lunch, fantastic value and a great atmosphere, Belinda thoroughly enjoyed her birthday lunch and I my Fathers day, even though I didn't get a card from my son, the Tuna steak more than made up for it and on top of all this - fantastic weather!

If I hear one more person exclaim 'ooh it's too hot , I can't stand this heat' I'm going to swing for them, after month of cold and the wetest May on record, it's midsummers day this week and so far we've had about 7 days of full sunshine and people still complain. Funny how some of these people still go to a hot country for their holidays!

World Cup Benefits

2006-06-13T15:01:00.000+01:00

The Football World cup, bring it on! No I'm not a fan, I'll leave those comments to Grocer Jack, but I do approve of the benefits of an England match being played on a sunny Saturday, as follows:

The Golf club was deserted enabling a perfect amble around 18 holes in the sun.
There were only 2 people at the checkout at the Garden Centre, in fact there were only 2 people who were not staff in total.
I could park anywhere in the high street.
The supermarket had stocked up with enough BBQ charcoal to power Didcot power station, so unlike any other sunny Saturday I didn't have to visit every petrol station in the area.
There were no queues at the supermarket checkout.
The roads were deserted.
The High street was full of scantily clad, attractive Women who had left their husbands/boyfriends in front of the TV or in the pub dribbling beer down their England T shirts, except Steve W, who was sipping wine at home I hear.

So I eagerly await the next England weekend game!

Bye Basil

2006-06-09T11:52:00.000+01:00

Basil the fox cub has finally left us for a refuge in Oxfordshire. We handed him over ar a halfway point last night. Can't say I'll miss him, certainly not his fully grown mates when I've got a 12 bore in my hands.

Golf tomorrow morning, new balls arrived this morning in the post so I won't have to troll through my practice ball bag or buy lake reclaims at the club house. The forcast is great so out with the shorts ad the lilly white legs.

Can You Beleive this?

2006-06-07T13:53:00.000+01:00

Horror fan names 6/6/06 baby Damien

A horror film fan gave birth to a 6lb 6oz baby on 6/6/06 - and called it Damien.
Suzanne Cooper named her baby after the devil child in the The Omen who was born on 6/6/66.

Special needs teacher Suzanne, 36, was induced for six days before Damien arrived at 6.59am, reports the Mirror.

She said: "We are overjoyed about the baby. The Omen is one of our favourite films and that's why I was keeping my legs crossed for a birth on the 6th.

"It does seem a bit weird I suppose, but he's a perfect baby - nothing at all like Damien in The Omen."

Electrical engineer Mike added: "It was a devil of a birth - a bit of a horror show. Once she went into labour it was straightforward, but six days in hospital is a long time to wait.

"It took a fair bit of persuasion for Suzanne to let us call him Damien but it seems fitting considering the date."

Poor Kid.

The interview.

2006-06-07T11:14:00.000+01:00

Well it seems to be the silly season for video clips. I just received this one THE INTERVIEW from Martin Simons and laughed my socks off so I felt I needed to share it with you.
My apologies to those who can not view the Jenny McCarthy clip, you need to have divX installed.

Update on Basil the fox cub, he's making a great recovery and we have found a sanctuary who will take him tomorrow night.

Prejudices

2006-06-06T16:02:00.000+01:00

This is really funny and highlights people reactions to a stereotype CLICK HERE and be sure to watch the whole clip

The Sun Shone

2006-06-05T14:23:00.000+01:00

The fist weekend with Guarranteed sun and I got to try out the new lawn tactor. Very good, infinitely better than my old one, only a lttle taller.
I discovered this as I drove slowly passed the garage and stopped alongside a broom lying on the ground. I leant out to pick it up on to find I couldn't quite reach without lifting my foot off the brake and the tractor shot forward. My head hit the concrete block pillar that divides the double garage doors followed closley by my shoulder which eventually pulled me off the machine which fortunatley cut out as I left the seat (safety cut out awitch)
I got away with cuts and bruises but I shan't be doing that again.

Basil is doing well and now able to satnd on all four legs, looks like hew also was severly bruised but nothing broken. He is extremely vicious and will bite anything that gets near him, We will keep him caged until the end of the week then release him, the only problem is where to do it, he'd probably be safest in the middle of London.

Beautiful morning yesterday on the golf course. Although with plasters and a bandage adorning various injured limbs, I still managed to play a medal match, but for the first time ever managed to lose 4 balls. I never take more than 4 out with me and had to borrow one off my partners. Needless to say he gave me the cheapest, crappiest ball he could find in his bag and try as hard as I did, I could not lose it. However a crappy score card resulted, never mind I've just ordered some brand new super dooper, extra long, extra soft, tour grade Maxfli's - well that what it said on the box - will let you know what they're like.

OOPS!

2006-06-05T14:19:00.000+01:00

Came acroos this clip of Jenny McCarthy popping out of her dress then losing it big time when ponted out. Quite amusing.

Country Ways part II

2006-06-02T21:49:00.000+01:00

The Fox is still with us and we now believe it to be a dog rather than vixen, difficult to tell at this age, Sid has suggested a name - Basil!, well it beats Foxy or Reney (bit eastern european for my taste).
Didn't mention yesterday that, prior to leaving for work, Bin went to check on Foxy (as he/she was then) she threw her handbag into car, along with car keys, obviously inadvertantley pressed remote button, then shut drivers door. I was just about to leave when she knocked on my window and disclosed the problem. 'So use your spare key' I said 'er, I think it's in my handbag, which is on the front seat' came the reply
So, in the time that it took for Bin to go indoors and phone work to say that she would be late I had gained entry into the car with a pair of Bar-B-que tongs, something to do with a mispent youth - no not one of car theft, but one of always locking oneself out of ones car.
So, back to this afternoon - pleasant lunch with the boys, home in study, feet up pushing some z's, Dom comes home conversation something like this:
Dom 'hi Dad, good day?'
Me 'yeah, not bad, got the workshop manual for the mower.
Dom 'Got a deer in the garage'
Me 'WTF! we're not a effing animal sancturary'
Dom 'No Dad, this ones dead'
Me ' what do mean dead? why is it in the garage? - along with Foxy (as he was then)'
Dom 'Um we ran into it, caused a lot of damage to the car (not Dom's) so I bought it home'
Me 'Why?'
Dom 'To eat, it would be a shame to let it go to waste, besides it was blocking the road'
Me 'Right we'd better go and butcher it then'
Bin arrived home half an hour later and swore as she had just bought a leg of lamb for Sunday lunch.

For those who are interested Basil is as well as can be expected and feeding well, sharing offal with Winston and Lucy (Doms ferrets) and will be staying with us until he has recovered.

Rename Blog - Country Ways

2006-06-01T21:30:00.000+01:00

It seems that more and more of my postings are country matter based, so maybe I should change the name. Last night Dominic was cooking dinner, I was in the garage polishing my new mower and Belinda was out riding. Call from Belinda on mobile 'I've come across an injured fox, can't just leave it, can you boys come and sort it out?'
No problem we thought. Now you have to understand that whatever your stance is on wildlife, one has to understand the balance of nature around us. The fox is the enemy in our country, especially with a field full of young lambs next door and pheasant and partridge just starting to nest, so the reaction was to throw the gun in the back of the Land Rover.
However to my suprise, Dom added a thick pair of industrial gloves and a pet carrier.
We drove across the fields to meet Belinda where she had stood guard and to mark the spot. The fox was still there curled in a ball, Dom approached it and she tried to get up and run. It very quickly became apparent that she had an injured hind leg and was going nowhere fast.

She was in fact a vixen cub, no more than 9 weeks old and very beautiful although aggressive as Dom found out when he tried to pick her up, good move bringing the gloves. Needless to say the gun remained in its sleeve, neither of us had the heart to put her out of her misery. She had obviously been hit by a car and had at least a broken rear leg if not pelvis or dislocated hips and no way of knowing if there was internal bleeding. So a decision was made - take her home and if she survives the night then we'll make a decision in the morning.

Now this goes against all our insticts and upbringing, having a fox in captivity!

Well she settled in a large cage in the garage, with an old sheepskin car seat cover, a bowl of water and dog food. This morning we were all eager to see if she had survived the night and were pleased to see she had both eaten and drank all food and water and shit and pissed for England. So what to do with her!

Well I first called a local animal welfare centre, who suggested that I take it to St. Tiggywinles - in Aylesbury, 60 miles away - yeah right, I've really got the time for that and, as I pointed out to the girl on the other end of the really helpful phone that this was a wild animal and she may have mistaken me for someone who actually gives a shit - which I quietly do - so I then called the RSPCA who after wanting to know all my personal details short of my inside leg measurement suggested that I took it to my local vet. My local vet charges £30.00 for just walking throught he door and hates foxes, so that was not an option.

So when I got home from work the first thing I did was check on the cub, so did Dom and so did Bin, half an hour later all three of us are around the cage. The cub is a bit more lively and has ate all food and drink left for the day. She had a tick attached to her lower eyelid wich Bin removed whilst the cub managed to bite through Doms glove.

So we've decided to nurse her back to health and no doubt If she is still alive tomorrow we will give her a pet name. Then we will release her back into the wild (not locally) where she will be shot by a gamekeeper.

C'est la vie

I've got a brand new combine harvester...........

2006-05-31T13:51:00.000+01:00

Well not quite but I did get a bargain on a 2 year old Mountfield ride on mower on Ebay yesterday. Dom and I picked it up last night (thanks to Jim at Broadmead Estates)and I'm like a dog with 2 dicks. It's sad I know to get excited over a small tractor, but I've been trying to find a reasonably priced one ever since the demise of the Westfield Toro I had at Hopgrass. I just can't wait until the weekend to cut the grass, although I might give it a clean and polish tonight.

What do you mean 'Get a life'