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Friday, February 27, 2004

Security irony

Had a meeting at Heathrow yesterday, One of my MI projects had completed it's 3 years and had to give a final report to us, DTI, Queen Marys College who did the academic research and the Industrial partners. One of the latter is BAA (British Airports Authorities) and as the project is based on software for recognition and identification of "incidents"" and "undesirable" many of the trials were carried out at Heathrow. The meeting and presentation of the project was therefore held at the Heathrow Visitor Centre.

Well if you have never been to this wonder - don't bother. The visitor centre is supposed to be a museum cum hands on experience of Heathrow, it's history and activities and consists of the history of the Wright bros. to commercial airlines with such wonderful exhibits as a cargo crate and some dummies of firefighters and mechanics.There are also some interactive machines in which you can simulate landing a passenger aircraft - great training for would be hijackers.

Outside the walls are lined with dubious looking characters with bobble hats and spectacles held together with elastoplast, binoculars hanging from their necks, Shortwave radio plugged into their ears and note book in hand. Ah! I exclaimed - Plane spotters! or where they? Could these characters not be members of Al Queda planning their next attack on Western civilization - because the security was non existent we will never know. Its ironic that we were there to celebrate the success of a security product.

And the buffet lunch was terrible!

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Beavers in row at world's end

I got quite excited when I read this headline but disappointed when I went to this item

I've also added a link to a new weblog Girl on the right who's got some intesting posts

TV star goes nude in MEP bid

BUDAPEST (Reuters) - A Hungarian TV hostess sat naked to announce she is running for a seat in the European Parliament as candidate of the upstart Union Party. Anettka Feher, about 30, with close-cropped black hair, sat atop a table, legs crossed, displaying her petite and muscular body wearing nothing but a shy smile and some jewellery.
Besides her visible assets, she believes disappointment with the political establishment will give her enough votes to secure a Brussels seat in the June elections.

Lets hope Harriet Harman doesn't get any ideas

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Spelling Mistake or an Eastenders fan who can't spell ?.


Whilst compiling a list of pet hates for my home page, apart from Terry Nutkins and Billy Nomates (who's identity does not need revealing -yet), Ramblers came into mind.

You see them everywhere this time of year, in large groups heading down the high street no doubt on route to the canal towpath, all dressed for a full frontal assault of the north face of the Eiger. Stout thumb stick, Gortex hiking boots, multi colored knee length socks, bobble hat and that all important indispensable piece of equipment - the cagool

Even in summer, when we were at Hopgrass, I used to sit on the patio (glass of wine in hand) and watch these hoards of loonies walking across Freemans Marsh, all dressed in above mentioned kit and complete with rucksacks and a map. It takes 30 minutes to walk around the marsh on clearly signposted public footpaths - you don't need a sodding map! And what have they got in their rucksacks (my precious) one wonders, maybe a thermous of hot soup and some cheese sandwiches to sustain them during their long tortuous journey, maybe some rope in case one of their numbers fall foul to the many deadly quicksand pits, grapling hooks and crampons maybe This vision often amused me as they were followed on the same path by young mothers in summer frocks and high heels pushing the latest in off road child buggies, four screaming kids trampling over the wild orchids and a couple of springer spaniels splashing through the Dun decimating the young Mallard ducklings as they went.

The fact is that the majority of these rambles are septegenarians and are usually escapees from the Saga Warners Holiday home formerly Littlecote house and they form a group who complain about virtually anything from the state of the NHS to planning applications which have nothing to do with them. Supporters of the Marina and Marsh Lane walkers take note! - Ramblers are everywhere! I even think Mr & Mrs Nomates could be ones

The Queen doesn't shop at Anne Summers?- Never

Apparently the owner of Anne Summers, the sex aid chain - Jacqueline Gold - is upset that she has not been invited by the Queen for a reception at Buckingham Palace for Women of Excellence. She can't understand it as the Queens grand daughter Zara Phillips is a customer - interesting thought. Full story Here.

Monday, February 23, 2004

Triangle field success

I am delighted that the proposed extension to the Triangle field and Rugby Club facilities has been approved by the Downlands planning committee. The plan was recommended for refusal by West Berks council planners – their reason – it would be harmful to an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. (ANOB).

The fact that the whole of Hungerford is designated and ANOB is irrelevant, its just that anything thing applied for outside of the development gets declined on this basis and anything within the boundary is approved no matter how ugly or inappropriate ie. The houses in the back gardens of Atherton Crescent, the houses along the canal and the flats replacing meadow view. Thank god the members committee has seen through this and approved the application.

Six Nations

A thoroughly pleasant weekend although I thought that the Wales v Ireland game was disappointing yesterday. I was looking forward to an even matched game with a close but hard fought ending. However the Irish (whom I've always thought were one of the strongest sides) absolutely decimated the Welsh defense which seem to collapse as the game went on. With 4 Irish tries in the first half it was all over bar the shouting. However Wales fought back valiantly at the end with a consolation try.

A good result from England against Scotland on Saturday although obviously harder than Italy, produced a good resulting score but lackluster rugby,we need to tighten up our forwards - remember the French are coming! Incidentally I have found the official 6 Nations web site, just click on the logo above.

Well if I thought Wales played bad it was nothing to my golf on Sunday. A freezing morning with a biting easterly wind that almost cut your knackers off, combined with green frozen so solid, I was surprised not to see an Eskimo sitting over the hole with a fishing rod, resulted in the most awful putting possible. Last week I couldn't miss, this week I couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo!

Thank you to Nigel for an excellent evening on Saturday, most excellent food.

For anyone who's interested locally, my son Dominic is playing for Oxfordshire v Berkshire at Newbury next Sunday 29th, kick off 2.00pm. He 's managed to get himself back from skiing in Italy without breaking anything. I'll be in the bar at 12.30 if anyone fancies one.

Friday, February 20, 2004

Touch it

Hers an interesting little game if you think you've got the touch. Try this and see just how sensitive you are. Touch it

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Avid Merrion

Am I the only one who doesn't find this guy funny? I just don't get the whole Bo selecta thing or the permanent neck brace, is it me or can someone else explain how his act can be in the tinniest bit amusing or talented?

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Transsexuals and the Ku Klux Klan: can this really be opera?

This really sounds good, Jerry Springer - The opera. I just hope it goes on tour and plays at the Watermill (our Local)

The Brits Awards

Congrats to my old mates Duran Duran on their award for outstanding contribution to music at the Brits last night, perhaps now some of their old awards and play lists that I still have in my possession might be worth something - eBay here I come. I was pleased for White Stripes to win best international group, they are a highly talented band, and the Busted boys got their due recognition. As for the Darkness, I was under the assumption that they were a joke act, a little like Spinal Tap and certianly not to be taken seriously, anyway they made me laugh. However I thought the Dido only won so many awards because her name was the shortest to text vote! Cynical, Moi?

Monday, February 16, 2004

Breast not to watch

I’m getting a bit fed up with the ongoing saga of the Janet Jackson exposed tit episode (as repeatedly referred to during the BAFTAS). I really don’t understand what the fuss is about, she even had her nipple covered which I understand an exposed nipple on US TV is totally unacceptable.
The Americans believe the British to be a stuffy and reserved nation, but we’re hardly going to demand questions in the House every time we see a breast (celebrity or otherwise) on the TV.
You can not turn on Channel 4 or 5 after 9.00pm and not see an uncovered mammary, its practically obligatory and I would advise any US watchers not to tune into UK TV during fashion week, because the chances of there not being exposed breast making their way down the catwalk are very slim indeed.

Record put (for me anyway)

I had a wonderful round of golf yesterday, just a friendly 2 ball match play with Paul. On the 12th par 4 I had a reasonable tee shot but a lousy pitch leaving me 20 yards from the edge of the green and a further 20 yards from the pin. I didn't want to risk duffing a pitch so as the 20yds to the green was short fairway grass I took out the putter with the aim of getting the ball near enough for a par put. I hit and in it went for a birdie 3 - the look on Paul's face as he tended the flag was a picture.

England Win

Well as I said earlier in the week, I hope not to be reporting a negative result, however despite again a 50 point score against the eyeties(although a third of the team were Kiwis) it was a lackluster game compared to the Wale/Scotland game. Italy put up a remarkable defense and didn't give up at all, but you can't do a thing about Jason Robinson in full flight who was man of the match and deservedly so, however congratulations to Paul Grayson, who in filling Jonny Wilkinsons place, certainly did not let the side down with some tremendous penalty kicks and a couple of conversions. The ones he missed were extremely difficult angles - but Jonny still would have got them!

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Congratulations Wales 23-10

What a superb match , 80 minutes of classic rugby, with a young Wales pack harking back to the classic play of the 70's with superb ball handling and exiting passing producing an excellent try in the fist five minutes. Man of the match - Rhys Williams with some excellent kicking from Stephen Jones, unlucky Scotland, but Wales had a formidable defense.

Good luck England tomorrow, I'll look forward to an England v Wales final - could be interesting. As for the French- ppphhhhhrrrrrrrrrr

Friday, February 13, 2004

Joke of the week

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I''m only here to wash your face and hands." He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?" Again the nurse replies, "I can''t tell. I''m only here to wash your face and hands." The ward nurse passes by and sees the man getting a little distraught so she marches over to inquire what is wrong. "Nurse," he mumbles, "Are my testicles black?" Being a nurse she is undaunted. She whips back the bedclothes, pulls down his pajama trousers, moves his penis out of the way, has a good look, pulls up the pajamas, replaces the bedclothes and announces, "Nothing is wrong with them!!!" At this the man pulls off his oxygen mask and asks again, "Are my test results back?"

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Doctors issue stark warning on obesity

Forget the traditional image of the beautiful "English rose" -- by 2020 one third of girls will be obese, according to a report published today. One fifth of boys will also be obese and at least one third of adults.
Ok I had a gripe about this last week, when I suggested Junk food should carry government health warnings similar to cigarette packs, but a part of the blame can also apportioned to schools and government cut backs.
At all my schools from primary to secondary we had sport every day. Ok one day it might have only been PE, running around a gym with a medicine ball. But the next day it would be soccer, rugby, hockey (an evil sport) and even worse cross country runs ( at least you could sneak a crafty fag (that's a cigarette to US readers) on the way round and in the summer months - whoopee athletics! My legs ache at the very thought.
Kids today are lucky if they get one sport session a week and certainly no PE at primary level. They are then offered a diet of burgers, chips, pizzas and coke from school canteens.

I don't think we need to look far to go some way to solving the problem.

Police hunt woman in breast implant sting

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian woman who had her breasts enlarged with the biggest silicone implants available is being hunted by police after she skipped out on the 7,500 euro (5,000 pound) plastic surgery bill.
Police say they have few leads as the woman used a false name but are relying on a photograph and her unusually large bra size to find her, a newspaper reported on Thursday.
The woman did a runner from the exclusive private hospital in Rome a day after the two-hour operation which doubled her bust size, her plastic surgeon Jamal Salhi told the Corriere della Sera. "Unfortunately this kind of fraud isn't that unusual," Salhi lamented.

(crox) Unfortunatley I do not have any photos, but I would imagine she would find it hard to hide behind a lampost

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Six Nations (That's Rugby Union to my Colonial visitors)

Firstly, Thank God that The BBC has seen fit to televise all matches live on terestial TV which means I can watch the England Games in the Borough Arms and the other games at home. However I do not seem to be able to find a website dedicated to the 6 Nations tournament listings fixtures, kick off times, grounds and results - unlike Yahoo's one for the world cup. If anyone knows one put it in the comment box.

However Good luck to England against Italy on Sunday - I do not want to be reporting a negative result and a special good luck to Paul Grayson who is kicking for Jonny Wilkinson whilst he has his shoulder operation, The pressure to live up to Jonny's accuracy must be extreme and I hope he can handle it. Whilst I wish Jonny a speedy recovery, he must rest that shoulder and let it heal completely - I'm sure Martin Johnson could give him some advice on that.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

The Last Photo

As I don't have much to say today you may enjoy this: Could this be the last picture this photographer ever took? To see more download the series here

Monday, February 09, 2004

Bored of the Rings

In spite of the title of this post, I did enjoy the final part, Return of the King, yesterday, however after 3 hours and nearing the end , I was screaming inside - just get on with it!. Having read the book 30 years ago I have a vivid memory of every chapter of the Trllogy, and I have been delighted that the films have reflected every aspect and characters in a way that I had imagined Middle Earth to be all those years ago.
The only problem is anyone who has read the book knows what happens in the end! (That spoilt the Titanic film for me- I thought Holywood always changes the true facts!) and it was the end which was disappointing - there's Sam and Frodo half way up Mount Doom, which happens to be an active Volcano with an almost vertical face, with about 4,000 feet to go when Sam declares "Oi may not by able to carry your burden Master but I can carry you" he then proceeds to cover the next 4,000ft in about 10 seconds carrying Frodo, despite being near death. Frodo fights with Gollum, ring goes in fire, Volcano erupts and they find a rock to lay on until rescue.
Rather spoilt it for me.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

BT is BT and err golf Not

The good news is BT found the line break 175mts from our house, but the engineer didn't have a ladder long enough to get to the junction box up the pole, however with a bit of begging and borrowing we managed to get him up there and he fixed the line, so exactly one week later we are back on land lines at home

The other good news is that it was the most beautiful morning for golf, the bad news is I played like a soapytitwank!--Card torn up after 9 holes! Still there's always next week

Friday, February 06, 2004

Joke of the week

A young man goes to the pharmacist and explains that he’s got three girls coming round his place for some horizontal exercise this evening. He says he’s never performed with more than one girl before and is concerned that he will be unable to keep it up long enough to satisfy all three. Can the pharmacist provide him with anything?
“No problem” he says as he reaches below the counter. “These are extra special strength Viagra tabs, just one will keep you up for 12 hours” Great say the man, give me 3 boxes – just in case.
The next day the young man returns to the pharmacist looking terrible and unzips his fly. His Dick looks terrible, black and blue with strips of skin hanging off and multiple blisters.
Have you got some Deep Heat? He asks.
“You can’t put deep heat on that” exclaims the pharmacist.
“No it’s for my arms” says the man “The girls didn’t turn up!”

Billy Nomates

In case you hadn't noticed I'm in a really bad mood this morning. Billy Nomates (see earlier posting) has really lost the plot. He has taken to ringing up individual Town councilors to find out what was said about my proposal in council in spite of obtaining the minutes the following day, he obviously doesn't believe what's written.

This man is seriously paranoid.

I'm a celebrity............Turn Off!

I've really got pissed off with this now. Why doesn't Peter Andre go behind a bush and have a sherman, perhaps then he'll stop trying to get into Jordans Knickers. I'm Sorry John Lydon flunked it and I couldn't care who wins

This is the last post on this subject - WGASA

Its not BT

Still no phone at home. first they promised Weds then yesterday and now today -yeah right! we'll see.

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Slight Gripe

I'm just listening to the minister of Health - John Reid- on Radio 4 discussing the cost of smoking related illnesses to the National Health Service and how more such be done to reduce smoking.

Now I am an occasional, social smoker. I enjoy a cigarette with a pint, after a meal and after sex, the latter meaning I have virtually given up, and I usually smoke in the privacy of my own home or in the company of other smokers (which makes the after sex bit more interesting) However smoking causes, heart disease and respiratory problems and the Government's efforts to get us to quit is print in very bold letters across cigarette packets: SMOKING KILLS or SMOKING CAN CAUSE HEART DISEASE, CANCER AND DIABETES.

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but the government has just stated that 1 in 5 of us are overweight. OBESITY KILLS, OBESITY CAUSES HEART ATTACKS, CANCER AND DIABETES. Costing our health service 10 times that of smoking related diseases, but do you see warnings stuck on MacDonalds, Burger King and over fast food products which are fast shortening the lives of young people today.


Dennis' Soap Box

Welcome to Dennis who produces a similar blog across the pond in New Jersey. If you would like to read his gripes and moans go to

Nick Backs Women in Golf

Nick Faldo -The man I admire most in Golf - has announced that he backs Women competing with men in the major tournaments. I have to say I am entirely in agreement with this, especially after seeing Anika Sorenstam play at the colonial PGA tour event last year becoming the first women player in 58 years to play a PGA event -she's a real stunner and I'd like to play a round with her any time.

Former world number one Laura Davies will become the first woman to play in an Australasian or European men's tour event when she tees up for the ANZ Championship next week at the Horizons Golf Resort north of Sydney. Unfortunately she does not have the equal blessings of beauty of Anika.

However if we are to allow women to compete on equal terms I think a dress code should be introduced. It should be compulsory for all women competitors to wear plaid mini skirts and thong. This will ensure maximum spectatorsand TV coverage as picking up balls after a put would cause a camera frenzy!

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Billy Nomates

Due to the libel laws of this country, I am unable to really tell you what I am feeling at the moment other than there is a certain resident of this town who has nothing better to do with his time other than stick his nose into other peoples affairs, purely for his own benefit, but makes out that he is acting on behalf of others. He and his dreadful wife clearly have no friends and is fast making himself unwelcome in most local social groups.organisations and establishments.

If this Gentleman recognises himself from the above description, perhaps he would like to get in touch with me directly and discuss his grievance's to my face and explain to me and everybody else who the f*ck he thinks he is!

Sharp Sign

I find this quite amusing

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Case of bad monthly's

The male golfers worst part of the month has got to be the 1st Sunday of the month - the members monthly medal. How is it that during the rest of the month the friendly match play, stableford or texas scramble produces nothing more than a tremble of anticipated excitement, a pleasant stroll around the course with some half decent golf thrown in. Usually on none competition days one turns in a scorching personal best - Then comes medal Sunday.

Everything falls apart, first par 3, tee shot centre of green then - 4 put! And that how it goes on for the next 17 holes which is why I am now formally announcing my retirement from the monthly medal - that and the pro moaned that I went round too slow on Sunday!

So here's something to fill in the working hours and hone up your putting skills all without leaving your desk: Mini Golf

My Doom Virus

'The clueless users who refuse to upgrade'
By Tim Mullen, SecurityFocus
Posted: 03/02/2004 at 11:45 GMT
Stay up to date wherever you are, with The Register Mobile

Microsoft can end the scourge of e-mail viruses by ending its support for old software, and the clueless users who refuse to upgrade, writes SecurityFocus columnist Tim Mullen.

Well here we go again.

We are suffering through yet another email-borne virus (this one called Novarg) whose infection has reportedly trumped out all others in the infamous history of malicious computer code.

Was the vector some l337 0-day 'sploit? Nope. Was it a complex multi-layer program leveraging several unpatched vulnerabilities? Nope. It was -- wait for it -- an executable attachment in an email. What genius! The author of Novarg (or MyDoom, or whatever you want to call it) really put his noodle to the test when he cooked this one up, huh?

I would like to think that in this day and age people would know better than to open executables in an e-mail. I'd also like to be able to flap my arms and fly to the moon. Opening attachments in e-mail is one par with group needle-sharing after having unprotected sex in a Third World orgy. Yet, with an estimated 30 per cent [peak] of world-wide e-mail traffic being Novarg, it is clear that millions are willing to blindly point-and-click their way into infection while a tempest of white noise rages in the part of their brain where conscious thought should be.

Buy yourself a copy of Norton Antivirus for £39.00 and forget all about emial borne virus attachments! (Crox)

Monday, February 02, 2004

BT or nor BT

Well an Interesting weekend, after the winds on Friday night blew down a tree and took out our phone lines with it. No problem I thought They'll have that fixed in no time.- yeah, right! Still nothing by 3pm Sunday afternoon, so on the mobile I call BT Fault line only to be faced with the usual multi choice options: Did I want to report a fault - No I assume you are already aware that half the village is out due to the tree! So I don't want that button then.
Do you want to check the progress of a fault repair? : Yes, yes! That's the one, I press button 2.
Thank you, now please enter the number for which the repair is being carried out., I enter the number;
Thank you we can confirm that you have a fault on this number. I know that but when's it going to be fixed I, the cyber voice continues and we will endeavour to fix this problem as soon as possible.
We will conact you to inform you of progress, in the meantime you can check the work progress by logging online..............
AAAGGGGGGH! How the sodding well can I log on if the phone line is down you soapytitwank?, needless to say the disembodied voice offered no explanation other then to repeat all the other options available to me from BT services.

It is now 12.30 on Monday, we still have no phones at home, so I repeated the above performance from the office, only to be told that yes there is a fault on that line and it was reported at 3pm on Sunday afternoon - it will be fixed one day

PS Managed to speak to Human Being at 2.15 after phoning 151 for 3 hours. They told me they would probably have it fixed by Thursday!

I'm a celebrity............

Ok so I was wrong, it took until Saturday for Jordan to get her jugs out, but I loved the comment Kerry McFadden screamed at Lord Brockett "I 'm having my period and I'm more F***ing dangerous than any F***ing Croc right now". Lets all hope she is the first to be voted off tonight.